List: Kidnapped

• Kidnapped Chapter 1

  Ashley drove her old Camero slowly along the Interstate, trying to see through the pouring rain. The rhythm of the windshield wipers were h

  1100 words, 17 comments, on Sep 20 7:26 PM. In Crime, Dark, Drama, Fiction, Mystery, Novel
• Kidnapped Chapter 2

  Ten years earlier, Ashley had been a young college student. At twenty, she was a junior at Texas A&M. Her parents died when she was fourteen in a tragic automobile accident, and Paula was all the family she had left. 1
  

  1700 words, 8 comments, on Sep 22 2:57 PM. In Crime, Dark, Drama, Fiction, Novel, Unfinished
• Kidnapped Chapter 3

  1600 words, 5 comments, on Sep 22 3:00 PM. In Dark, Drama, Mystery, Novel, Unfinished
• Kidnapped Chapter 4

  Agent Phillip Graves introduced Ashley to the other three agents. Leslie Martin was an expert on abductions, Thomas Smith was the communica

  2500 words, 7 comments, on Sep 22 3:03 PM. In Crime, Dark, Fiction, Mystery, Novel, Unfinished
• Kidnapped Chapter 5

  Kidnapped Chapter 51
  

  1200 words, 7 comments, on Oct 1 6:24 PM. In Adventure, Crime, Dark, Drama, Novel, Unedited, Unfinished
• Kidnapped Chapter 6

  Phillip and Leslie stepped outside the back door for a cigarette and some private conversation. Phillip lit up and then lit one for Leslie. They stood looking over the deep wooded area behind the Anderson home. What secrets m

  900 words, 8 comments, on Nov 7 6:20 PM. In Crime, Drama, Fiction, Life, Mystery

Comments

• By me, right now

  Adding your comment:
• 
  petron
  October 5
  Edit | Reply
  Hello again Tricia and thanks for your comment on the novels group. I've now read all the chapters of Kidnapped. I think you've got a lot of good raw material here to work a novel out of, but that right now, apart from the first chapter, you're mostly telling and explaining the story versus showing scene and developing plot. The opening is dynamic because it is so visual with rain and thunder, etc. My suggestion is to stop explaining so much. Keep those inner story details to yourself and just provide hints to the reader. Also, instead of Ashley explaining to the cops -make a scene out of that experience she's relating, which shows the tension from the money, the family members, etc. Show them in all their ugliness. You could introduce that with something like this--The police were staring at Ashley waiting for her to begin and her mouth trembled, she was silent--then a page break and into the scene. Also, be careful not to switch to "I" when you've been using Ashley and she (from third person to first person). I hope I'm not being offensive with these comments, and if so I apologize. Thank you for your friendliness.
  
  
  
• 
  Tricia3
  October 10
  Edit | Reply
  Hi
  I'm not sure whether I replied to the comment or not. I'm really getting behind. I really appreciate your views. I'm still a pretty new writer and I still have problems with just wanting to 'tell' a story.
  I'm working on it. Maybe one of these days, the scenes will become more visual than just narrated.
  I always appreciate all comments, good or bad. I have a lot to learn and this is the best way of learning.
  Trish