Bad parenting in a dream.

I had a dream last night, which was very detailed (like always) where I had for one reason or another a child, maybe 4 or 5, that wouldn't go to bed.

He had a baseball cap that he loved. So I took the cap and a pair of scissors and warned him that if he didn't go to bed in 5 seconds I'd cut it. 1 2 3 4 5.. snip, cut the back of the sunguard cloth (to protect the neck). The kid started crying and screaming and wailing and I said I'll cut it more. 1 2 3 4 5. Snipped off the top button. The kid now went to bed and I remember thinking "with any luck he'll cry himself to sleep".

In the wake between sleep and reality, I tried to go back to sleep and show I didn't really cut his hat, that I cut my shirt instead. That it was a trick. But I was lying to myself.

When awake and reality hit in, I was mortified. I felt sick. This kid loved that hat. It was his most prized possession in the entire world and I in a heartbeat of 'discipline' decided I should destroy it to get him to do what I wanted.

My dad used to give me 'the belt' if I did wrong. My mum did emotional punishments, not unlike the baseball cap. I'd trade the belt for the emotional ones any day. Physical pain comes and goes, but the emotional pain lingers.

If only I can have the dream again and tell the kid I'm sorry.

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