Today's emergency: Gilbert, the American Standard Bulldog is being taken to the pound by his master. We have known Gilbert since he was a puppy. He is a beautiful brown and white spotted, huge dog. A real sweetie. Called friends, have them looking for a home and called the Rescue Society. Every breed of dog has a rescue society by the way. We fostered Dachsunds for awhile for their society.
My sister was over yesterday. She is going through her own grief. Her kids are doing well, but one of their friends overdosed on valium and booze and died. She helped me get the ceilings stippled. All that is left is the master bedroom and one small wall in the living room.
My wife has been getting my fourteen year old son to give up toys for the consignment and thrift stores. He is caught between being a little boy and a young man and finding his feet too big for the former and not knowing how to quite fit in the latter. He is clueless and resistant. Means he is scared and doesn't even want to admit it to himself. All I can do right now is watch him flounder.
Whether I am laid off or not, I have to assume I am and move on. I have to clean up things a little bit. Leave on good terms. Get workman's Comp. which I know they are trying to avoid giving me. Find a new job. I want to go back to designing kitchens. Hell, I like designing anything. Something rewarding in creating a space that functions well for the owner and delights their senses. I see it as something I do with them, not to them. It is a little more work, but creates a lifetime of thanks.
Thinking maybe I should write a book. Even know the one I want to write. But if I start it, I have to finish it and life isn't willing to co-operate in making that easy. Still if what people say is true, I should be able to do it.
I feel like a bit of a drifter. Never had a job for longer than eight years and a lot for less. Not very disciplined, easily distracted. Drive a lot of people nuts and they talk about potential. I would starve if I worried about potential. I, just, accept not really fitting in and when I was young it didn't matter. Now, I am fifty-eight and the age makes it harder. Fewer options and fewer willing to give me a chance. damn shame. I figure, with God's help, there is always a way and I just have to be fluid enough to accept it. Practice thankfulness and keep my eyes up so I see more that way. It will all work out. May even end up in business with my sister designing and installing kitchens. She has to get her Class A license and I could starve waiting for that to happen. Life will as it will.
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You obviously see possibilities. Since you and your sister appear to be close, what a liason that could be! There are reasons that some people wander. They collect treasure other of us never see, and in your travels, both mental and physical, you have a storehouse.
I had a friend who often left me although we were standing adjacent to each other in the same room. He had more ability to concentrate his attention when he "wished" than anyone I've ever met, but he also could drift in a heartbeat if he was bored.
Creativity requires them both. You do have it! (
) And poetry,too! 
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It seems I am always dancing with a dream and I have a family that needs be fed with more than a promise. It is my constant dilemna. I do the best I can. I am glad you found so many positives here.
Love, Tom B.
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thank you for sharing this of yourself. keeping your eyes up so you can see more is a good idea, but not only that, the work you are doing to the house, the poetry you write, and the fact that even tho he is floundering, you get to watch your son grow up....keep your eyes open and don't miss a thing! hugs to You Sir! keep writing! God bless you always
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Nice to see you again. I only have myself to share from. I share 'cause it is all a gift from God and it brings me joy to share the love He has given me. There is not much I can promise but to continue for that is what I have found loving and living, and are they not the same, means.
Love, Tom B.
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I really like your voice when you write about yourself... Good luck with everything
-cassidy -
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Thanks, Cassidy. I can't hear my voice distinct from others for it is the only voice I know. It is good to hear. I will remember this.
Love,
Tom B.
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practice thankfulness
and keep your eyes up so you can see more that way, is a good idea, but not only that, the work you are doing to the house, the poetry you write, and the fact that even tho he is floundering, you get to watch your son grow up....keep the eyes open, and don't miss a thing! hugs to You Sir! -
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I learned after haveing a broken leg from being hit by a car that "thankfulness" is a gift that you must give daily when times are bad. Standing up and greeting each day with joy is part of the answer. When you love your life even when it is turning to shit, you can keep things growing and give thanks for the manure.
Love,
Tom B.
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Not very disciplined, easily distracted.
You just summed me up there. I'm with ya. That is why I cannot ever fully complete a task.
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I am an Adult Child of an Alchoholic. I attended 12 step meetings for six years. No discipline and easily distracted are part of the problem. I left because there comes a time when you must continue to move forward or become addicted to meetings.
Love, Tom B.
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Well I see you are coming along with the house and your visitors will surely delight in your company...I hope they can attend a poetry read with you my talented friend...Now I have four sons the youngest one now 18 so I know what you're watching when a youngman flounders...I find working with your hands a joy for you and myself...very fulfilling....now I can't wait to read the coming events ...this is such a vivid journal....glad you're sharing these days of your life with us all.......Thanks Tom!....novy
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Thank you. I don't know how vivid my mundane life is but I am glad you enjoy it. For me it is a place to record and hopefully doodle. I have always called anytime I work with my hands manual therapy. It does bring me peace.
Love,
Tom B.
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