Realizations

Sooo...I just got asked out by a person. And I told them that, no, I like someone else, but that felt like such a lie. I know I've gushed about Jon, but I think that maybe I only like the idea of him, not actually dating him. So he's cute and goofy, but he's also not very smart, and has a long history of bitchy girlfriends.

Okay so I don't like Jon anymore. Glad that's been decided. It's totally pointless for me to like him if I'm not going to make an effort to talk to him, or pursue him. It's just nice to like somebody...

I've realized recently that I can't think for myself. I let the slightest thing influence me. Boy oh boy, do I hate that about myself. I allow myself to get peer pressured into things so easily--except when it comes to a few things (like drugs, alcohol, sex, and other cliche things). It's my instinctive desire to please everybody that turns my spine into jello and my opinions into mush.

All right. Okay. At least I realize that I have this problem...and now I can start working on it.

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