This is important! Please help these sad souls!

Today, I bought a fancy new black SUV Hummer. When I went to pick up my son from school, I put on a black suit, dark shades, and my blue-tooth earpiece. I waltzed into his last period class 10 minutes before it was over, and announced "Agent 03, It's time to go" At which point he nodded and packed his belongings and ran out. The face on his teacher was priceless. I hope my boss understands why I had to miss work. MLIA.1


Today, two of my friends put two action figures on the ground in the hall at school. As my whole grade crowded around the action figures and screamed "fight fight fight" the teachers plowed through us to break up the "fight". There faces were pricless when they found it was superman and batman. MLIA2


Today, I found my son up at 1:30 AM, hunched over his laptop. When he saw me, he hurriedly flipped the screen down and tried to look otherwise occupied. What was he doing? Watching Beauty and the Beast. He's 18 years old and I've never been more proud of him. MLIA3


Today, I was babysitting a little girl and she was refusing to eat dinner because she didn't like pizza. To solve this problem, I taught her to growl at her food then eat it like a dinosaur. Needless to say, she ate all her pizza. I hope her parents enjoy her new eating style. MLIA.4


Today, my boyfriend decided to dump me. Just then a 7 year old kid I babysitted passed by. He had heard my boyfriend break up with me and responded "Why? She's nice, pretty, and makes awesome cookies!" This little kid then proceeded to karate kick my now ex-boyfriend. That kid is my new best friend. MLIA. 5


A while ago in my AP Chemistry class, this one annoying kid and my friend were having a weird argument about who was better. The annoying kid said, "Well, at least I have a girlfriend!" to which I responded, "Whatever. Your girlfriend has 67 protons." In response, the entire class, including the teacher, turned their heads to look at the periodic table on the wall. The element with 67 protons is holmium, with the chemical symbol "Ho." My teacher was the first to laugh. MLIA6

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HAHA I GOT YOU SUCKER!

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