I look at the parents, all undone. They never saw the signs that their kids were going to do heroin or commit suicide together. The closer people get to you, often, the blinder they become and the less you want them to know. 1
Some of us, like myself for instance, have no idea how to do most of this stuff called life. I certainly don't want to fall into the melodrama of how low and beat up I am and how tough it has gotten. But I go to the other extreme and I am likely to starve in what seems like quiet pride. It's not. Pride, that is.2
I need to call a guy I lent a 200 dollar sander to. I have been trying to make this call for over a month. I haven't made it. I know he is conveniently forgetting to return it. And if it was that important to me why didn't I call. I get depressed by how it is supposedly my fault. Worse that I can't defend myself from the blame. 3
I got and A in English Composition II and a lot of compliments and supportive comments from my teacher. I feel proud of that A. I worked hard for it. I went to a poetry reading. All the poets were young and most were pretty bad, but I give an A for effort. I sucked. I couldn't read worth a damn, picked the wrong poems to read and read them poorly. Which thing do you think I respond to the strongest. The A or the reading. 4
The family, my love, my son, have no idea how close I am to ... I have no frame of reference, I don't have words to call it. We are walking a fine edge of survival and I can't get a better job, they just are not there. 5
I am writing this to get it outside because it is eating holes on the inside. 6
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1 - 18 of 18
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I'm glad you have an area to exhale into. Thanks for sharing, misery loves company.
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Tomis B
Sweetheart, all i can say to this is stop whining!
I love you i care and i am where you are... and you are such a treasure why would i let you sit there and let me think you are none other than a real human who has problems like us all.
I have a job that pays $100 a week and count them 4 people- kids- that live here.
They can't help me they got car payments and insurance. Not to mention the grandbaby on the way that will be living here too.
Can i stop....No i can't !!!!!
I have no choice but to keep crying my way through and wow i will tell you hold on to Gods finger tight baby it's a ride sometimes.
So just to let you know my ex is coming in and suddenly he is the Hero for going to a hospital to see his grandbaby when he has not been a father in no way shape or form ..i have not seen any money since June from him he forgot to call two boys on their birthdays and now he is the freaking hero ...and you know he will leave us high and dry again as soon as the birth is over.
With that said...Look at what a great father you are, I applaud you and you know i do understand the no understanding on your families part i get no medals or even thank you's but it doesn't matter i still have to help them. Its in me!
Yesterday i watch my 19 year old son pace my floors tripping on cough syrup he decided to drink. Why? Well he thinks he has no way to make life right after the Army.
Life gets no easier ...I used to want to end it all when i was married to the jerk, but if i had would not get to hold my first grandchild would I?
Oh and you worried more about the reading right?
I just want you to know i love you my friend and we are all walking that fine line but if we hold on to each others hand and with the other hold on to Gods hand we will make it.
With much love and you need a hug as much as i do,
Love,
~Lisa~P
ssss
PS. Two things:
would not matter how you read or what you read... i would have been mesmorized, and Yeah congrats on the "A" I am proud of you. -
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This started about the two teenagers who made a suicide pact and the girl who overdosed before they busted a heroin ring in Centreville and became my pity session. See,
I can admit it. I am over it. You should know that i love you to pieces, my dear sweet friend. Leveled me with a skillet of no bull shit, sherlock and a few other phases. So, you know I can go there. It is never for long and I don't wallow, okay, not much anyway. As the old song goes"Nobody knows the trouble I've seen..." I know from working with kids that nobody's problems are as big as our own.
I know we will make it, because we have each others backs. Just like friends oughta.
Love,
Tom B. -
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Always sweetie and okay i will level you with a skillet but pick you back up and hug you to peices!!!
I got your back like you have mine..
Thats what friends are for and glad you only wallow alittle! lol
s
Love,
~Lisa~P
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They say God does not give us ore than we can handle - yet there are days when we wonder if this is true. We all falter at times, and are weak and seem to give up for a while, but those with faith manage to pull through, continue on living. Life does have its ups and downs, and it seems some have more downs than ups. We take the hands we've been dealt and continue to play the game of life to the best of our ability.
All have some unique gifts that they can share with others; some volunteer so much they never seem to be home; some are educators and stimulate others to seek and explore and discover what they knew not before. Some can write and express what they feel and share that with readers.
One knows not where some go wrong, where they veer off and do what many think are dispicable acts.
Everyone is unique, some are stronger than others; some are unable to cope. We hope that family and firends have a good life, but there is not much we can do to change their minds if they are determined to do things that we do not agree with.
Thanks for writing and sharing your insights and wisdoms and experience. Keep writing and helping others through this talent.Have a great day.... -
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Thank you I am honored
Very thoughtful and deep comment. Left me with plenty to chew upon. We are social animals who require interaction and all the social frameworks to function for us to feel whole and complete. Life does not function perfectly for us to always have our best days. We take our measure from how we handle the bad ones, when it is hard. It is always easier to succeed when we sense that our friends and loved ones are behind us. The good morning, the pat on the back, the simple acknowledgments make a world of difference. Part of the reason I wrote this was to show that I am not always at the top of my game and I, like everyone, need the love and support of my friends. Again my thanks for your wonderful response.
Love,
Tom B
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You are such an inspiration and support to everyone around here. There is no way that I can read your hard times and not suggest that you just HOLD ON! The miracle is right there, and if you simply keep trucking and don't give up or give in, it will shine all about you in no time.
We are in dire straits over here too, and to boot some crazy man killed eleven women so far, not ten minutes away from where I live. The women in the city are frightened, mourning, and wondering why authorities never thought that there was a serial killer-rapist in our midst. We are questioning why all these women went missing and were never on the local News? They were all Black, the killer was Black, that might be why. They were poor, smoking crack, selling their bodies for drugs (so the police state) but does that make it all right to be strangled, murdered, decapitated, buried in an attic or basement? NO! Hell NO!
Times are chaotic! Satan is raging. But you my dear brother/friend are blessed! You are one of the chosen by God Almighty, the fortunate, even in your struggles.
When we are weak, He is strong. I send angels to tend to your troubles and fix things. I send hugs and warm smiles to erase your misery.
~Pslams 27:14
"Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord."
I LOVE YOU ♥
Renee
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Thank you I am honored
Truly, I am not a great pillar of strength. It is great that many find their own strength from the gentle light of love I try to shine. Of course, I will hold on and continue, not just for myself but for those I love and for the family I have helped to create. But, it would not be right not to show my feet of clay. We all wake up upon occasion to a bad day. The love, far more than the messages that has been shown my way have shifted it to a very good day. Do hardships come and go as well as sunshine and occasional snow. Yeap.
I was appalled by the tale of the rapist and his murderous ways. Once again we show that if we make them poor, describe them as addicts, they don't matter. Even worse we, all human beings, demonstrate that racism is still part of patterns of behavior. Do you think the world would stand still for Darfur if happened in Europe. But what about if it happened in China or eastern Russia. Would we all nod and say its a sin, but what can you expect.
I have been called brave and courageous but those are appellations for others to apply. I know, I am frightened, discouraged (but, only on occasion) and unsure. I have learned that life is learning to put one foot in front of the other and sometimes we have to learn to walk all over again. Never quit. Never stop giving thanks for what you have, cause it can all be lost anytime.
You know I love you, my friend. We both know we won't stop or quit even if we do sit down now and then.
Love,
Tom B.
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love and hugs
all i can offer, besides 1000 ways to do ramen noodles to add to the mac and cheese....one day at a time tho, remember that, one day.... -
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Thank You Much
I have a good supply of Ramen, it is what keeps my fourteen year old from eating us out of house and home
I am just like anyone else. I need the occasional random hug and to be reminded that I am not supposed to fix everything and it is okay if I occasionally fall on my face. I got to go to the laundromat, washing machine is broke, call the eye doctor and reset an appt. and other stuff. I am not a happy camper but that to will pass of its own accord. still need the occasional hug. I learn everyday, over and over again, I can't do it by myself.
Love,
Tom B.
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yep. Like my lovely sister Lynda, I wish I had the right words to say. We're struggling too, have been for awhile now, and I only wish I knew someone to owe me money
I send my good thoughts and prayers, and if you'd like I know 263 recipes for Macaroni and Cheese..thought I'd eaten my fair share of it when I was younger, but apparently not. Keep laughter close, that's from my angel.
love,
jin -
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Sue is a miracle in the kitchen. She doesn't get half the recognition she deserves and sometimes I don't feel I am all the support she should have. Negative days happen and I am having one. The washing machine broke and I have to go to the laundromat. One more thing to deal with. I deal but not always with a smile. Yours helps a great deal. We will make it, sometimes in spite of ourselves.
Love,
Tom B.
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Oh, my dear friend....
I wish I was like you and knew the perfect thing to say...The best piece of advice to give to get you through this...
I am a listener. so I am good at that but you have the gift of knowledge and of always knowing the right thing to say to someone in need of wise words...How I wish I had that gift about now to give to you those perfect words...but all I have is the love and support of a caring Sis and friend... and I know how strong you are and how you always think positive no matter how hard it rains, so all I can do is tell you not to change...but I know how very hard it is...and another thing I can do is pray...It is been helping me lately ...You know how much I care and wish there was something I could do......
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It counts
What matters is the messenger cares enough to send a message. it is why, when I have no reason except, I care, I send out my blessings. We all have days where are fingers are burnt from touching the wrong flame and we sit in a corner crying. What counts is not that anyone can heal us or make us hurt less, because most can't, no it is the fact they love us enough to try. Sometimes all of us need to know that our friends are still our friends and they love us fiercely. Today was my down in the dumps day. I do blue pretty well. Your love makes all the difference in the world and I am gifted that you share it with me.
Love,
Tom B.
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Sending loads of support and friendship. Be as strong as you can, then lean on the one that is always there for you.
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Glad to hear
I appreciate the support. It helps me find the door out of my dark closets. They are tiny rooms, but it seems they are easy to get lost in.
Love,
Tom B.
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hey big guy......i am sending u tons of friendship...hang in there...you never know what is rotnd tat next corner
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the most important notes are the ones that say someone cares. Often it is not the message so much as having someone care enough to send one.
Love,
Tom B.
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