Broken promises

(Not that anyone's actually going to read this, but I need to stick it somewhere that's not in a notebook because that gives me writer's cramp, and this just gives me carpal tunnel )

 

It's not like I haven't lied to myself about this before. I'm going to stop, I'll never do it again, I'm getting better. But it's harder, so much more painful, to break a promise to others.

 

"I've decided to stop for good," I told her--one of my friends who's known about the bulimia and all the rest for about a year. And at that point, I had decided.

I avoided purging for eleven days. Less than two weeks.

 

Now I can hardly face her. I'll put on my happy-mask and chat as best I can about unimportant things... but I haven't told her that I can't keep it up.

 

If I have to tell one more lie or keep one more secret, I swear I'm going to break.

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