not sure how many people will read this...

i have just been thinking lately about what's good for me and what i need in my life.
i have come to the conclusion that i need to have fun, be myself, and not let the people in my life bring me down. i don't need to be talked bad about or to. it's not
good for me to hear those thing all the time.

for what i need in my life as of now, to wake up every morning and feel great. to feel good about myself and where i am going. i also need to be held for no reason at all, just for the sake of feeling good. same goes for being kissed.

i have also realized that with these things i don't drink as much. my need to get fucked up every day is subsiding. at the moment i don't care if i get to drink this weekend.
don't get me wrong i love to feel good, i love being buzzed, or even being so drunk i throw up all over myself. i used to live for the numbing of my brain. just to get it to shut the hell up was my goal at every party.

i don't care if i ever drink again as long as i get these thing that i need to live a some what healthy life. but now that i've got these things figured out i fear if i don't get them i will fall harder then i ever have back into the really bad habits i have over come.

i have been thinking about it alot, and i really do miss some of the drugs i used to be into. not only the ones i was addicted to, but also the ones i new i would get addicted to if i did more then a few times. part of me longs to feel every way i can.

but for now, in this moment at least i am ok to stay away form all the stupid thing i could do. if only they didn't make me feel so good. then it would be no big deal to be 100% happy with the little things i need in life to get by.