Hey everyone,
I don't know how long I will be on here because I am tired of hearing about bad news. Sadly the bad news continues... I feel like my life is cursed in so many ways. My friend is losing his net tomorrow and I don't know when we will talk. My other friend Ricky is in pain from his legs as am I. My friend Alex never has time to call anymore, and I feel like I got him in trouble for calling him back. I feel like all my friends are slipping away one by one. Every night that sets another friend vanish at sunset. Nothing is easy right now especially since all of this is happening. I am moving soon too but not until November 1st. I am tired of bringing people bad news too
Life isn't so great at the moment its horrible. Sometimes I wish I could do something to stop all the bad moments from happening but it never happens now does it? When someone tries to stop the bad from coming it comes anyway. It's something we cannot control or something I like to believe. Sometimes life brings obstacles and challenges we don't want to face but we have to face them regardless. I don't like the obstacles I have to face. They are all too hard but that doesn't mean I am just give up. All I know is I won't be on Ap much longer because I am tired of all the bad news from all my friend. I feel so useless because I cannot help them. I am too freaking far away to do anything. I feel like I am choking on his words. Like hearing those words "When I call and hang up, don't call me back. Wait until I call you". And these words hurt too "Sorry I can't call anymore as much I been so busy with band and such". I am choking on all those words inside. I feel hurt because the way everything is going. The way the directions and paths are changing. I feel so badly crushed. I just don't think I should be around Ap for awhile. I feel like I am cause a lot of problems or trouble. I am still strong inside but at the moment I feel weak. Too much stuff is going on! I don't know how much pressure or stress I can take. I don't know how many screams and tears I can make. I am losing so much hope. I feel like I am fading...
Like I don't seem to matter to most of my friends... I don't know what to do anymore. I am just not get involved in anything anymore. I am just back off for a bit and see how everything goes. Because all I been feeling is neglected and forgotten by many. Only a few people remember me and talk to me. I know my friends are busy and shit but god the way they make it seems harsh. The way they act now is not great. Everything and everyone is changing. This is why here a good time for this quote. "I think the reason why people hold on to memories is because when everyone and everything changes your memories are always the same" Which I like to believe is true. Sometimes I wish I knew what to do but sometimes life brings you confusion and your stuck wondering on how to fix something. Or where to go, or which way to turn.
Everything is very hard right now. I feel like someone is pushing me down, bringing me down, stabbing me with knives and laughing at my pain. I am not depressed or anything just hurt and a bit sad. I wish I knew how to help my friends. I wish I knew how can they spear more time so we can communicate with one another but there's never any more time now is there? I feel like time doesn't exist in my world but it does. What I mean that it feels like it doesn't exist is...I feel like me and my friends are going to drift apart and never have no time to talk expect on the weekends...but what if the weekends get closed too. What if the weekends end up being full with things to do or appointments to go some-place. What if they lose contact and slowly forget about their friends online or if they forget you just by not having time anymore. I don't know what to do anymore. What to expect.... All I feel is major pain and a lot of tears flowing down my face...
Yes school, home-work and after school actives take a lot of our time but maybe we should be able to call our friends to say hi every once in awhile. Or at least call to ask how they are doing. I feel like I am grow full of angry sooner or later and become cold and afraid again. Because I been so angry lately with my emotions and how these problems are just randomly walking through the door... I bet when school closes for Christmas my friends won't have any time to talk with me either. I am not sure I have hope inside of me at the moment. My mind and thoughts are full of doubt. Here comes the struggle I was talking about and so I shall struggle through life once more...
Don't tell me everything will be okay because honestly it takes for that to happen and a lot of it. It takes a lot of patients to just watch everything slowly go back to normal or to the way it was. I don't like to believe there's things out there that are just "normal". I don't like to believe that if you forget your problems exist that they will fade away. Sometimes your problems fix themselves but sometimes you have to do something in order for the problem to be solved. Sometimes you got to be strong when your life gets harder but sometimes we all just need a good cry or vacation to get away from stress. All I am feeling right now is a load of stress and I am too young to be stressing. Also I am not happy about having to get botox for my legs. I don't want a freaking needle in my leg. I know the doctor said it won't hurt but I don't know.
I'm so sorry for my venting. For my sorrow and for my pain. I am sorry if it seems like I am being emotional or sensitive but that's just the way I am. I am sorry if I am not perfect. I am sorry I cannot help you all through your struggles. I am sorry I can't be there to support you the way I want. Sorry if I can't give you hugs or kisses on your cheek. I am sorry that there's this thing called "Distance" I am sorry if I seem so far away. I am sorry if I don't seem like a good person. I am sorry if I seem so negative. I am sorry that I cry at night when nothing seems right. I am sorry I fear a lot of things. I am sorry, I am sorry is all I can think of....
- Maria[the one and only] ♥
Adding your comment:
ALWAYS. I'm not going anywhere.
had to do it sorry 
