Depression

This is pretty much just going to be a rant where I can just mope around in my emoness. If you don't feel like reading, you don't need to.
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Have you ever just felt like no matter what you do, you're not good enough for anything; that you're just a worthless person? I feel like that so much now...and I hate it. 2

I don't even know what to do about it, though.. for example; my boyfriend hangs out with a really beautiful girl (a lesbian, but that's beside the point..) that openly admitted he liked...alot. Now, he tells me that he doesn't like her anymore like that, but I always feel that's a lie. Last night, we were on the phone and he asked me why I thought he had asked me. I just laughed and said it was because the girl was a lesbian. His voice was serious when he replied "Is that really why you think I asked you?" I replied no, but that was a complete lie on my behalf...I know that he loved her so much, and sometimes I wonder if he still does. She's everything I'm not; beautiful, very outgoing, curvy, energetic... and she can physically be there for him, something I'd give everything in the world to do. I haven't seen him since before we've been together; I moved before he asked me out. We still live only about 45 minutes from eachother, but he's never really tried to do anything with me... I've asked him a couple places over summer vacation, each time he couldn't do it whether it be because he couldn't leave his house or that he was just busy... I just want to see him, though... But that's where the entire thing in the beginning comes from; I really don't think I'm good enough for him... no matter what I do, I just don't think I'm nearly as good of a person... 3

He told me that he might have seen a picture of the girl topless yesterday, but he wasn't paying attention...I doubt he wasn't paying attention... I just laughed at him and teased him a little bit, but that was only because I didn't want to show him that it had depressed me a bit..4

I just don't know what to do, though. Sometimes I wonder if he even cares about me nearly as much as he does her... sometimes I wonder if he does still love her...5

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Note: Bella, don't you dare tell him. I don't want him worrying about me..