Deletion

There comes a time in your life when you just need to weed through things and get rid of them because all they can do is hold you back.1

I've been cleaning out my room, getting rid of high school papers, old magazines, old crap stories (though I keep a lot of them to remind me, when I'm getting all down on my writing for not being all that good, that I have improved immensely over the years of obsessive scribbling), old clothing...2

And I came on here today to weed through the old crap stories. I'll leave most of them, but one I completely deleted so far, and I'm sure more will be deleted.3

I really loved this guy for about 2 years while I was in high school. He and I were close and I know he loved me for a while, but it just wasn't meant to happen, even after I did everything I could to try and make it work. It really was hard for me to just let go and get over him, which most people probably think is stupid, since the guy and I never actually went out, but I put my whole heart into that love I had for him and it did me no good... and that messed me up for a while.4

I did everything I could to get over him, even resorting to going out with another guy who freaked me out just to try to replace him... this guy was the closest thing I have had to a good relationship, and he was never even my boyfriend.5

I deleted the gut-spilling rant I once put on here, ages ago, about said boy. It was stupid, just a train of thought type thing. And now it's gone.6

I think and hope that I'm a better person now, because of that situation. I'm stronger, I think. Yeah, I may be really cynical at times, but I think I need to be that way, since I tend to fall hard and fast. I need to make a guy prove to me, really prove that he wants me for me, and not just because of some stupid reason. It'll help me not get my heart broken.7

I don't know what to think anymore. I just don't.8

9

And the sad part is, I don't care. Whatever happens, happens. There may be a few potential suitors in mind, but I'm not going to fight for anything just yet. I don't have the energy or the patience or the mindset for it anymore.10


Whine whine whine. Sorry, people.