Shocked

so, i was surprised when my grandfather actually admitted to me that mom favored my brother over me when it came to protecting us from her (now ex) boyfriend. I'm glad to know it wasn't all in my head. I'm still trying to get over the nightmares of that man, of what he did to me. I finally got up the courage to tell her what her ex had done, at least, some of the sexual stuff. I haven't told her everything, just the stuff i could handle saying out loud.

And want to hear something wierd? How is it.....that i can remember what the man did to me....but i don't remember being molested when i was 12?

I guess it all happened at my baby-sitters at the time. She left her son alone with my brother and i while she went out for a bit. My brother was sleeping and her son had me pull my pants down and he his. I guess he did some sexual stuff and i think he was caught in the act. Either that, or i mentioned it to my babysitter. It's wierd, really. I can remember everything about that time period but i can't remember that particular incident. I have no emotional attachment, what-so-ever.

Mom was all like, "well, if you don't remember it, then obviously it wasn't traumatizing to you." But who knows if that's true, right? Then again, she doesn't like to accept the fact that i have issues and that her ex hurt me so bad. She doesn't know the sexual stuff he did, and she doesn't WANT to fuckin know.....but whatever