people make me think

Sometimes I wonder about people and here effect on me. I'm not sure if I easily influenced. If I am now, it's not how i always was. I used to not care enough about people to forn real opionins about them. Then for many years, I grew and was mentally withdrawn from the world. People didn't interest me, I didn't bother with things that bored me. The only real emotions I felt were anger, depression, calm, and the occaional happiness. I wasn't a depressed child though. Just thoughtful. The older I got the more my emothions flip floped. Where there was once solitude a loneliness grew. A need to find someone or ones who thought like me and could wake me up, make me feel something other than indifferent. I felt like i was asleep. Then I entered high school. I expected the same old same old. The indifference of being there and the contradictary misery of being alone in a crowd. The first few months were like that, along the way I accidently made friends. Not friends. They kept me from walking alone, i guess. Some of them made me wish I was alone. It's depressing to be around people so unlike yourself and so ignorant to the fact that they don't even realize. I didn't mind to much though. I knew I was never a part of them. I watched them. I thought about how strange they were when they were away from one another, how they could tell me anything. How they could lie, how they could betray. It made me wonder, why I wasn't like that. Why I didn't want what they wanted or did what they did. They made me wonder if I was human at all. I had feelings, but no one cared. That didn't anger me, I just figured since everyone didn't care, it was nothing to be concerned about. I didn't judge, what would be the point? It never told long for people to think I was strange. I thought more and more about people who were so strange to be alike in secret and God for making these people. And for making me what I am, so that I could observe them. How knows, maybe I'm not alone, maybe there are people like me in the world. Untill I find them though, I'll make myself content with my words and my writing. I will have plenty to think about till then anyway

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