Angsty (old)

I feel like God's own personal joke. Like he's watching me from wherever he exists in the world, and he's laughing at me. If I don't start talking about the war inside my head, I'm not gonna make it. It's all just gonna explode someday and somehow when I'm dead, my parents will find a way to instill in my deceased brain that I'm the failure and that they can't be blamed for my death. That's what they always do. I'm the only one with flaws. Yeah, right. They are the reason for my flaws. And if they knew the reason for most of my suffering, I doubt they'd know how to act. Probably just ignore it and tell me I'm crazy. If they saw the cuts they'd just send me to some counselor who won't fix a fuckin thing because I would refuse to talk, and when they'd realize they were wasting their money, they'd yell at me and make everything worse, end the whole counseling thing, and we'd be back to where we started. I feel like no one truely understands it all. I can't give what is and was going on, a real name. I'm just fuckin sick of everyone treating me however the hell they want, just for their own selfish needs. Jeremy doesn't deserve me.