Frailty of the human race.

I sit here when the sun is out and wonder about going outside, only to find that when I am out there, I'd rather be elsewhere. Inside when it's cloudy only makes me want to find the sun, and when it rains, well, I'm at peace, oddly enough.
I don't really know why I'm even writing this journal, I just feel the need to ramble on about nothingness that seems to bother me and rip at every stitch. It's times like these when I long for the long-departed summers of 2003, filled with hot heat, and repeated cds, jumbled together with lost conversation in the dead of night. I miss that Seether cd, over and over again while hearing myself type, and the heat being so deadly that it pulled the poster-like blanket off of my wall. I just miss how carefree it was.
Damnit, to have responsibility. It never ceases. It never lets me breathe. Why couldn't I have gone to college rather than university? I'd be free by now, out of this house, off of this street, out of this city, and somewhere new. Whatever. This is my fated path and I've got to accept it. But why do I have to accept all this solitude and negativity that comes with it? Negatively-breeding people, spawning everywhere.
These people... they are living, breathing daggers and they cut any chance they get. You can't breathe too loud without the pain etching itself in to your side, between your rib cage. And to think they were once your friends... How does this happen and when is it safe to let go? It's never safe. It's always there, and always in the back of your mind; floating to the surface the second you see or think of them, the moment someone mentions them, or for the fraction of an eternity when you run in to them again.
How is it that they make so many new friends? And so quickly?! How? God, it's not even fair that they are allowed to carry so much hate and be so cruel to everyone around them, yet they are so popular (amongst themselves), so "friendly" infront of authorities, and they are given everything on a silver platter. How can the world be so blind to these people? All they do is hurt.
And how is it that I miss the one I used to call my best friend? The one that is one of the cruelest of all. I was never like her at all. We had nothing at all in common, yet it's been a year and I'm still dwelling on the end of our 7 year friendship. How is she allowed to be so cruel and heartless, and have everything and be happy?
This world is fucked.
I don't belong in this era - my soul is old. I don't understand this. I'm so lost and disillusioned. I can't make friends with these kinds of people. I can't stand on my own two feet without wanting to fall over from a heavy heart. How much can one person take in a world filled with hate?
Nobody knows my life or the hard shit I've been through, and I'm not about to go on and post it all, but I just wish there was some justice in this godforsaken place.1

I'm all for believing, but this is going too far.