Am I happy?
This question puzzles me.
If I were to be asked, I would smile and answer, “I try.”
And, henceforth, the quandary begins.
I try to be happy.
Try.
Doesn’t that mean put effort into it.
Does it mean that I haven’t succeeded?
If that were the case, my answer would be:
No. I’m not happy.
But, then I think, “I don’t feel unhappy…”
So, if I don’t feel unhappy, I must be happy.
And yet, I am only happy because I try to.
How confusing.
So, if I am only happy because I want to be, does that mean that I don’t really feel?
Does it mean that my happiness is artificial, based off a want?
Does it mean that people choose what they want to feel?
No.
People are sad when they don’t want to be.
Typically, that’s depression.
So, maybe it’s just me.
Maybe my emotions are just false…
That means that I choose how I feel at all times.
Well…
If that were the case…
I must make the decisions for myself…
I’m horrible at making decisions.
I always have been
If I choose how I feel, why do I choose happiness?
Because it feels good?
Why should I want to feel good when other people are feeling bad?
I don’t know.
I shouldn’t.
So, I should feel sad.
Because other people feel sad.
But, I’m not sad.
Or, I try not to be.
Wait…
I try not to be sad…
I try to be happy…
So, what am I?
If all I do is try one thing…
Try to stay always from the other…
Spend my life trying…
Will I ever know what I actually feel like?
I don’t know…
My mind confuses me…1
A/N
Out of all the people in the world, I can't seem to figure myself out...
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Comments
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this is some seriously deep thinking, savannah. wat brought u 2 make this? do u truly feel lyk this or is this a random entry? ah, all this thinking is making my brain hurt.
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Sorry for causing inhury to your brain! yes, I feel like this sometimes. I made it because I was thinking it. And, when I write it down, I can at least organize my thoughts. Thank you for the comment, I appricate it.
-Savannah
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