Lately i've been feeling extremely slaveish. More so than usual. I know I know...most people I know in the BDSM circle always say, " You can't feel slaveish more so than usual...it has to be all the time" but no one ever feels 100% of anything all the time . With that said...I know who I belong to. I know when He said " Heel. " that I have to stop, put my hands behind my back, eyes to the horizon, feet shoulder width apart.
I love the head rush from a good session, although I haven't had one in years. I bought a new crop and shackles, but I haven't used them yet...what I am waiting for I haven't the slightest idea.1
I've been writing a lot of poems about BDSM and my 'slave' belly (( a term taken from the world of Gor...thanks John Norman!!)) lately, and it just makes me ache...I haven't physically been able to hug or speak with my Owner for great lengths of time...and I haven't seen Him in over a month. Though I'm strictly just a friend...and a 'service' type...just to take the OCD edge off...I miss it...which is probably why I am writing so much.2
i miss writing i really do...i miss writing down happy thoughts...but i miss the macabre nature of the poetry i used to write. The beautifully eloquent way that my pen would flow...I wonder where my muse went? It is probably off on vacation while I dream about being a perfect slave girl for my Owner- and I use the word perfect in the most sarcastic way ever.3
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i am back to my studies for Gorean philosophy. i want to be a kajira. i am half way there, because i do believe myself to be a slave, and i have thought this since i was small...but, to be a kajira, to wear the Turian collar...to read the beautiful writings of John Norman, to picture the dances, and read the serves...while picture myself in the silks...i have my collar, but i want a kollar. 5
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'The collar is put on from without, but what it encircles comes from within. Slavery, true slavery, comes from within.' - John Norman, savages of Gor, p.g 210.7
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and here i leave a kajira quote...and that i am in the heart and mind of my Owner while he is at work. 11
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"I knew before," she said, "that I was truly your slave but I did not know until now that you were truly my master." She looked up at me, shaken. "It is a strange feeling," she said, "to know that someone truly is you master, to know that not only has he the right to do with you as he pleases but that he will, that your will is nothing to him, that it is your will and not his that must bend, that you are helpless and must and will do what he says, that you must obey."
Priest-Kings of Gor, page 203 13
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