Life Changing

Lately, I've been thinking about  life, my life in particular, and how time flies by. I'd looked back to my past, and all the things I didn't accomplished. All the opportunities I'd let pass, because I was either too afraid of the unknown, or too terrified of the present, or I'd thought that I had a whole lot of time to think about it.1

My friend on Story Write, Beau Noir posted an entry for the nine word contest. The title is "The one thing I'd change", and she wrote: " The one thing I'd love to change, is me." Nine life changing words. I posted a comment on her topic that says: " I truly think that it takes us a great deal of courage to accept who we are, as we are, and a greater one to decide to change whatever it's necessary to make us better selves."2

When you are young, you think you have your whole life ahead of you, that you have time in your hands, that the dreams you have for the future, are well, part of the future. I'd used to think of life that way, sometimes I still do, and that is one of the things I have to change. 3

I'd realized on the couple past of months that I'm a quitter. Every single thing I'd started, I'd quitted. I have four majors, unfinished. Yes, I'd never graduated from college at any of them, and this is just the beginning of my "Unfinished" list, there is piano, cello, organ, painting, cooking, foreign language, dance, photograph, and many others. 4

You may question me why haven't I finished at least a single one of them, and I will tell you the truth; I was young and stupid, or should I say immature? Which by the way, reminds of another thing, a journal entry posted by another friend at Story Write, Mag the Chodja, about maturity, he says:"Maturity ...., It's a mental aspect that works in the background, controlling our actions in the heat of the moment. Making choices, following wisdom, controlling emotions, and understanding as opposed to defying." 5

As you can see, I'd had no understanding, I'd let my emotions take control of my decisions, and my mood to decide whether I should continue with something or not, and usually it was not. The worst part is to know, and to accept that I still the same, unchanged.  6

I took the hardest step, I'd accepted who I am, as I am, and I'd recognized I have to change, and maybe we all have. I have to stop being a quitter, to stop thinking that I have my whole life ahead of me, because that is not true. Tomorrow doesn't belong to me, to any of us, actually, right now I'm not convinced we will make till the next hour. And that's the mentality I'm going to cary on, to live the present, day by day, moment by moment, fighting to achieve my dreams, little by little, to change myself, to be a better person, and maybe in the process I'll acquire the to me so needed, maturity.7