Normally I like humor with a little bit of an edge, but I've been in a funk lately, so I'm looking for absolutely anything. I'll let you know, though, that I will be judging more on style than the actual content of the work. If you have a cool story, but don't tell it well, you're not going to win. Sorry.
Points will go up as I get more entries and make a few more comments.
Things I would love to see:
-If you can make me laugh, you have a much better chance than anyone else.
-Anything pertaining to Greek mythology
-First-person narratives
These are not a must, just some things I wouldn't mind reading.
Things I do not want to see:
-Vampires, werewolves, etc. You know who you are.
-Teen angst, unless used for humorous circumstances.
-Sensuality is okay, but please do not describe the swapping of any fluids.
The Commandments
1)If thou dost cut thyself, thou shalt not speak of it.
2)Use of language moste foul is fine, especially if it doth cause me to giggle like yon schoolgirls.
3)If thou slingeth the cliche at me, thou shalt not receive a warm cookie.
4)If thy capitalization skills are faulty, see the apothecary before entering, or perhaps a bleeding will solve thy maladies.
5)The English language has enough trouble without your help. Therefore, thou shalt use spell check, or there will be beatings throughout the land.
If thou dost follow my decrees, I shall hand out comments, and there will be joy. Should you fail, my anger shall be swift, and your writings will not see the light of day.
Points will go up as I get more entries and make a few more comments.
Things I would love to see:
-If you can make me laugh, you have a much better chance than anyone else.
-Anything pertaining to Greek mythology
-First-person narratives
These are not a must, just some things I wouldn't mind reading.
Things I do not want to see:
-Vampires, werewolves, etc. You know who you are.
-Teen angst, unless used for humorous circumstances.
-Sensuality is okay, but please do not describe the swapping of any fluids.
The Commandments
1)If thou dost cut thyself, thou shalt not speak of it.
2)Use of language moste foul is fine, especially if it doth cause me to giggle like yon schoolgirls.
3)If thou slingeth the cliche at me, thou shalt not receive a warm cookie.
4)If thy capitalization skills are faulty, see the apothecary before entering, or perhaps a bleeding will solve thy maladies.
5)The English language has enough trouble without your help. Therefore, thou shalt use spell check, or there will be beatings throughout the land.
If thou dost follow my decrees, I shall hand out comments, and there will be joy. Should you fail, my anger shall be swift, and your writings will not see the light of day.
Contest is Over
- Contest was judged on May 1
- Rewards: Gold: 250, Silver: 125, Bronze: 75, Honorable mention: 5 people
- Final notes: Well, I seem to have my sense of humor back, as dark and twisted as it may be, so mission complete, team! To those of you who made me laugh, I tip my hat to you. To those of you who kept me interested, you have accomplished what television producers never can. Thanks for all the great entries. I really wish I could give more rewards than I did.
Contest Winners
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Arthur P. Fenswique (with a silent "i") can't stop transforming things, and its about to get him into trouble.by WritersEffigy 2600 words, 21 comments, on Jun 9 4:54 AM 2008. In Fantasy, Humor
Gold trophy winner
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It's just one of those days.• Commented on by judge. [remove]
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He called again, this time outstretching his hand. "It's Daddy, remember?"by SilentMoonDance 2800 words, 71 comments, on Feb 6 7:28 AM. In Contest, Fantasy, Fiction, Short story
Bronze trophy winner
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I’d known Persephone belonged to me ever since I first laid eyes on her. She’d only been a delicate sixteen years old when her laughing, unby Neomaxizoondweebie 3100 words, 55 comments, on Jan 21 7:23 PM. In Angst, Drama, Fantasy, Fiction, First person, Love, Myth, Romance
Honorable mention
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There is something very steadying about having a solid steering wheel under my fingers and a tangible pedal beneath my foot. At any given m• Commented on by judge. Prewrite [remove]
- Error: Unable to find finalist item 247368, it seems to have been deleted :( [remove]
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Good Lord! Another soire. When will they grow-up? How many surprises will it take?• Commented on by judge. Prewrite [remove]
Silver trophy winner
Entries [26]
1 - 26 of 26
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A short story based on Our Solemn Hour by Within Temptation. My first fantasy.by Lithron 800 words, 30 comments, on Dec 6 12:31 AM 2008. In Action, Contest, Death, Fantasy, Fiction, First person, Short story• Commented on by judge. Prewrite
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Dear Honey Bear,1
by Bethany 500 words, 5 comments, on Mar 2 8:25 PM• Commented on by judge. Prewrite -
It was cold and wet in this tiny airless cave, I found myself struggling for breathe but that is probably because my ribs have been crushedby Clary--Selene--Tayy 700 words, 17 comments, on Feb 1 6:08 PM. In Depression, Pain, Sad, Short story, Wolves.• Commented on by judge. Prewrite
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Another story where you have to willingly suspend disbelief, but I think that it's well worth itby Elphinstone 800 words, 26 comments, on Aug 3 2:26 AM 2008. In Randomness• Commented on by judge. Prewrite
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Anne the Brave tries to clear her beloved's name of treason in a one syllable story.by ShimmeringMirage 500 words, 9 comments, on Feb 26 6:40 PM• Commented on by judge. Prewrite
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Melophobia: Fear, or hatred, of music. Symptoms include breathlessness; inability to think or speak clearly; becoming mad or losing controlby VampireFriends 1900 words, 8 comments, on Feb 5 4:30 PM• Commented on by judge. Prewrite
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A Day in the Life
Something's wrong. There's a change in the air. The feel of the situation has changed, subtly shifting from an entirely innocent first meetingby kidchameleon 2400 words, 37 comments, on Feb 16 5:33 PM 2006. In <200 lines, Fantasy, Fiction, Romance• Commented on by judge. Prewrite -
Inspired by "Alien Bond: Spring of Life". Sylvia's thoughts about life and love.1
by angellove 800 words, 4 comments, on Feb 14 9:28 AM 2007. In Character sketch, First person, Love, Religious, Science fiction, Spiritual• Commented on by judge. Prewrite -
• Commented on by judge. Prewrite
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Hello there. My name as you may have already guessed is Disfunctional Dennis. Now I didnt exactly realize that my family was disfunctionalby Boondock Saint 500 words, 1 comment, on Mar 9 1:02 AM• Commented on by judge. Prewrite
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Roy shivered in the backseat of the large van, huddling up against the cold fabric of the seat in hopes to gain some form of warmth.by hyperactive1344 2100 words, 4 comments, on Mar 10 1:19 AM• Commented on by judge. Prewrite
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Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Hmm, interesting. I may have a go at this if inspiration strikes. Whether it does or not, though, just wanted to say that I whole-heartedly support the Commandments.
Lo, thy decrees are both sensible and wise. The English language owes thee a great debt for the sake of the last. -
HAHA ♥ the commandments. And this bit "-Sensuality is okay, but please do not describe the swapping of any fluids." Can I use that? (:
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My wit exists for your amusement. Use away.
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lol nice commandments
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Hmmm, humour, eh? *looks through his stories* So many to choose from... Try this one. *Throws in something about space written in a first person POV*
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yo
um story was added to ur contest it is called the wolf attack can u plz tell me it is an okay story for your contest and if it isnt may i enter a poem? and um also im kinda confused by your "rules" or whatever i dont really know how to speak the 1800's lol. -
What is funk?
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Funk:
"depression, ill-humor," 1743, probably originally Scottish and northern English, earlier as a verb, "panic, fail through panic," (1737), said to be 17c. Oxford University slang, perhaps from Flem. fonck "perturbation, agitation, distress," possibly related to O.Fr. funicle "wild, mad."
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Nice commandments!
--Aden -
Ha ha 'The commandmetents' I like it. Totally how I feel too. I hate people who use improper grammer and spelling. What can I say? I'm a stickler.
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can we add poetry?
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