"Seriously, a nutless monkey could do your job."
Um…Here’s how I’ll start:
I have no idea why all these emo fucks are so popular. All they sing about is problems, about how they love their ex-girlfriend and why did the girl leave them (I don’t know, but it might have been because he kept wearing her pants).
When I was in high school I used to ask the emo dudes: ‘Do you wear panties with those pants?’
I never received a yes or no answer. It’s still up for grabs.
Is that an awesome way to break the ice, or what?
Hello people! Go now! Read on!
So…My other contest is nearly finished. Meaning I’m almost out of things to read, other than all the other things I’m reading...I’m going to have another contest.
Here’s your options: First, you can choose a song from the list below and write something involving it, inspired by etc. There are plenty of those contests. I’m sure you know how it goes.
Second, you can choose a quote from the list below and write something inspired by it. I decided to take the quotes from quotable places….Ha Ha…
Third, you could just enter something. How boring, though. Right?
Um…Blah blah blah…Don’t bore me. I want stories. Not a glorified, poorly written guilt trip. (Now, a glorified guilt trip that’s well written…will probably still suck.) Don’t spend an entire paragraph on describing a single object. I assure you, the tree is not important to your story. (Unless your story is about mutant killer trees, maybe…)
I intend to comment on all entries. If you’re bad at editing, it may seem a little harsh. But what’s the point of posting if you’re not willing to accept critical reviewing. But…if I find your story boring, I’ll probably just leave two or three paragraphs into it.
If I'm critical of your story and you take it personally, just remember: that's your problem. Not mine. Either deal with it, or shut the fuck up. I don't care how 'perfect' you thought your story was.
Then again, I might just leave a three or four word comment like...
Anyway, if you're sensitive to the mistakes that may or may not be in your otherwise perfect piece, tell me. I'll leave a comment like "kewl" or "this is gud" or some other useless-ass nugget. (Do people who leave those comments actually read the story?)
I’ll read anything, so long as it’s not boring. You know…My favorite genres include drama and horror. I particularly enjoy stories that appear to be about nothing. I'm very much into vampires now. But don't enter a Bella and Sparkles fanfic(I actually enjoyed the one in the other contest, though. I'm such a hypocrite.)
Rules:
Don't try to impress me with your vocabularly. I have a pretty nice one myself. Keep it simple. If the fucking hobos that live across the tracks from me can tell a good yarn with a third grade education, you can tell me a good yarn without using words like iconolater or guerdon. It's boring. Plus they're really awkward. The words, not the hobos. Although they do have their moments.
No whiny emo stories about how your upper-middle class upbringing and steady job with a decent income is horrible. In other words: no stories about how you or your ‘character’ hates his/her life because he/she can’t have everything he/she wants. The end.
No unnecessary descriptions. If you think it’s ‘poetic’ in way of descriptions, don’t enter.
I want stories people! Plot, character, progression! Description is only an aide in stories, not the heart.
Prewrites are allowed, but you'll be reduced to one entry each.
Now, get to entering...
(There’s only one ‘real’ quote, by the way…lol)
Quotes:
“All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one’s heart have a common provenance in pain.”-Cormac McCarthy
“Might be your mom
Might be your dad
Gas station attendant
Or a college grad
Might be the president
Or a man in jail
Let’s spot the psycho
He brings the mail
Spot the psycho
Spot the psycho
She’s over here
She’s over there
She’s in your underwear”
He killed the dog
He killed the cat
His only friend is a vampire bat
His brain’s fried like a deviled egg
He’s got a knife
He’ll make you beg”
‘Spot the Psycho’ by Cornbugs
“At night I play with dead bodies
At night I play with dead bodies, help me
At night I play with dead bodies,
Do you want to play too?
I wanna play with pieces of bodies
I wanna play with pieces of you”
-‘Can You Help Me’ by Buckethead
“I have suffered for my anger
There are wars that can’t be won.”
-‘Keep the faith’ by Bon Jovi
“Look out kid, it’s something you did
God knows when, but you’re doing it again.”
-‘Subterranean Homesick Blues’ by Bob Dylan
“I will give you those things you thought unreal”
-‘N.I.B.’ by Black Sabbath
“Just one more morning
I had to wake up with the blues
Pull myself out of bed…”
-‘Dreams’ by the Allman Brothers
“I’m going to take you to hell.”
-‘Hells Bells’ by AC/DC
Now…let’s kick out the jams motherfuckers!
By AC/DC:
Jailbreak
Have a drink on me
Stormy Mayday
Money Made
Dirty deeds done dirt cheap
Big balls
Ride on
The jack
Hell ain’t a bad place to be
Sin city
Thunderstruck
Mistress for Chirstmas
Stiff upper lip
Satellite Blues
Who Made Who
Highway to Hell
Girls got rhythm
Touch too much
Shot down in flames
If you want blood (you got it)
Night prowler
By the Sex Pistols:
Bodies
No feelings
Problems
God save the queen
Submarine
Pretty vacant
And the rest:
Lady Marmalade by Labelle
Everybody’s Fool by Evanescence
My Hero by the Foo Fighters
An Enemy Led the Tempest by Cradle of Filth
Dirty Sperm Rag by Cornbugs
Fighter by Christina Aguilera
Hole in the Sky by Black Sabbath
The Seeker by The Who
Staring at the Sun by TV on the Radio
The Only Time by Nine Inch Nails
Beautiful Stranger by Madonna
Alone I Break by Korn
Don’t Shoot me Santa by the Killers (A little out o’ season, huh?)-
Need You Tonight by INXS
Hicktown by Jason Aldean
The Ocean by Led Zeppelin
Heroin by the Velvet Underground
Um…Here’s how I’ll start:
I have no idea why all these emo fucks are so popular. All they sing about is problems, about how they love their ex-girlfriend and why did the girl leave them (I don’t know, but it might have been because he kept wearing her pants).
When I was in high school I used to ask the emo dudes: ‘Do you wear panties with those pants?’
I never received a yes or no answer. It’s still up for grabs.
Is that an awesome way to break the ice, or what?
Hello people! Go now! Read on!
So…My other contest is nearly finished. Meaning I’m almost out of things to read, other than all the other things I’m reading...I’m going to have another contest.
Here’s your options: First, you can choose a song from the list below and write something involving it, inspired by etc. There are plenty of those contests. I’m sure you know how it goes.
Second, you can choose a quote from the list below and write something inspired by it. I decided to take the quotes from quotable places….Ha Ha…
Third, you could just enter something. How boring, though. Right?
Um…Blah blah blah…Don’t bore me. I want stories. Not a glorified, poorly written guilt trip. (Now, a glorified guilt trip that’s well written…will probably still suck.) Don’t spend an entire paragraph on describing a single object. I assure you, the tree is not important to your story. (Unless your story is about mutant killer trees, maybe…)
I intend to comment on all entries. If you’re bad at editing, it may seem a little harsh. But what’s the point of posting if you’re not willing to accept critical reviewing. But…if I find your story boring, I’ll probably just leave two or three paragraphs into it.
If I'm critical of your story and you take it personally, just remember: that's your problem. Not mine. Either deal with it, or shut the fuck up. I don't care how 'perfect' you thought your story was.
Then again, I might just leave a three or four word comment like...
Anyway, if you're sensitive to the mistakes that may or may not be in your otherwise perfect piece, tell me. I'll leave a comment like "kewl" or "this is gud" or some other useless-ass nugget. (Do people who leave those comments actually read the story?)
I’ll read anything, so long as it’s not boring. You know…My favorite genres include drama and horror. I particularly enjoy stories that appear to be about nothing. I'm very much into vampires now. But don't enter a Bella and Sparkles fanfic(I actually enjoyed the one in the other contest, though. I'm such a hypocrite.)
Rules:
Don't try to impress me with your vocabularly. I have a pretty nice one myself. Keep it simple. If the fucking hobos that live across the tracks from me can tell a good yarn with a third grade education, you can tell me a good yarn without using words like iconolater or guerdon. It's boring. Plus they're really awkward. The words, not the hobos. Although they do have their moments.
No whiny emo stories about how your upper-middle class upbringing and steady job with a decent income is horrible. In other words: no stories about how you or your ‘character’ hates his/her life because he/she can’t have everything he/she wants. The end.
No unnecessary descriptions. If you think it’s ‘poetic’ in way of descriptions, don’t enter.
I want stories people! Plot, character, progression! Description is only an aide in stories, not the heart.
Prewrites are allowed, but you'll be reduced to one entry each.
Now, get to entering...
(There’s only one ‘real’ quote, by the way…lol)
Quotes:
“All things of grace and beauty such that one holds them to one’s heart have a common provenance in pain.”-Cormac McCarthy
“Might be your mom
Might be your dad
Gas station attendant
Or a college grad
Might be the president
Or a man in jail
Let’s spot the psycho
He brings the mail
Spot the psycho
Spot the psycho
She’s over here
She’s over there
She’s in your underwear”
He killed the dog
He killed the cat
His only friend is a vampire bat
His brain’s fried like a deviled egg
He’s got a knife
He’ll make you beg”
‘Spot the Psycho’ by Cornbugs
“At night I play with dead bodies
At night I play with dead bodies, help me
At night I play with dead bodies,
Do you want to play too?
I wanna play with pieces of bodies
I wanna play with pieces of you”
-‘Can You Help Me’ by Buckethead
“I have suffered for my anger
There are wars that can’t be won.”
-‘Keep the faith’ by Bon Jovi
“Look out kid, it’s something you did
God knows when, but you’re doing it again.”
-‘Subterranean Homesick Blues’ by Bob Dylan
“I will give you those things you thought unreal”
-‘N.I.B.’ by Black Sabbath
“Just one more morning
I had to wake up with the blues
Pull myself out of bed…”
-‘Dreams’ by the Allman Brothers
“I’m going to take you to hell.”
-‘Hells Bells’ by AC/DC
Now…let’s kick out the jams motherfuckers!
By AC/DC:
Jailbreak
Have a drink on me
Stormy Mayday
Money Made
Dirty deeds done dirt cheap
Big balls
Ride on
The jack
Hell ain’t a bad place to be
Sin city
Thunderstruck
Mistress for Chirstmas
Stiff upper lip
Satellite Blues
Who Made Who
Highway to Hell
Girls got rhythm
Touch too much
Shot down in flames
If you want blood (you got it)
Night prowler
By the Sex Pistols:
Bodies
No feelings
Problems
God save the queen
Submarine
Pretty vacant
And the rest:
Lady Marmalade by Labelle
Everybody’s Fool by Evanescence
My Hero by the Foo Fighters
An Enemy Led the Tempest by Cradle of Filth
Dirty Sperm Rag by Cornbugs
Fighter by Christina Aguilera
Hole in the Sky by Black Sabbath
The Seeker by The Who
Staring at the Sun by TV on the Radio
The Only Time by Nine Inch Nails
Beautiful Stranger by Madonna
Alone I Break by Korn
Don’t Shoot me Santa by the Killers (A little out o’ season, huh?)-
Need You Tonight by INXS
Hicktown by Jason Aldean
The Ocean by Led Zeppelin
Heroin by the Velvet Underground
Contest is Over
- Contest was judged on February 18
- Rewards: Gold: 200, Silver: 125, Bronze: 75
- Final notes: Well. Another contest down.
All the finalists kicked some major ass. And I hate you guys for that. Very difficult choosing.
Hell, even those that were not finalists kicked ass (though a slightly less degree).
You guys should seriously check out the entrants in this, else you're really missing out on some great stories.
Well, see you guys around...I hope.
Contest Winners
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A man who always fought the urge gives into it.by WritersEffigy 2200 words, 123 comments, on Jun 5 4:54 AM 2008. In Crime, Dark, Death, Fiction, First person, Horror, Short story
Silver trophy winner
• Commented on by judge. Prewrite [remove] -
Coyote has always liked to be alone. Being the First, it only makes sense. In the beginning, when there was only All and All was Coyote ...by intoothandclaw 1800 words, 10 comments, on Feb 2 11:38 PM. In Coyote, Humor, Legend, Native american, Spiritual, Wolf
Bronze trophy winner
• Commented on by judge. Prewrite [remove] -
by DoozerDan 400 words, 58 comments, on Jan 28 11:51 PM. In , Adult humour, Black humour, Fiction, Humor• Commented on by judge. Prewrite [remove]
Entries [8]
1 - 8 of 8
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There is something very steadying about having a solid steering wheel under my fingers and a tangible pedal beneath my foot. At any given mby beezy92 400 words, 38 comments, on Jan 29 1:36 PM• Commented on by judge. Prewrite
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• Commented on by judge.
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It was a warm, sunny afternoon but her body was cold. Her mind was frozen, she couldn't think. She collapsed against a tree trunk because s• Commented on by judge. Prewrite
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JUST READ!
by Rose Hathaway 500 words, 86 comments, on Jan 14 11:28 PM• Commented on by judge. Prewrite -
As I am about to stab my boyfriend, I am transported to Hell to have a talk with Satin.by SweeneyTodd-girl 400 words, 9 comments, on Jan 19 6:03 PM. In Dark, Death, Fiction, First person, Pain, Short story• Commented on by judge. Prewrite
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Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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"I have no idea why all these emo fucks are so popular. All they sing about is problems, about how they love their ex-girlfriend and why did the girl leave them (I don’t know, but it might have been because he kept wearing her pants)."
Sounds like country songs... just need them thar dawg to die an' tha'll be rioght!
'Cept the pants bit...
But the pants line rules. I might quote you one day. xD -
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LOL
You're awesome man. I don't care what they say about you.
I didn't realize the similiarty to country until you pointed it out.
You ever hear 'you never even called me by my name' by David Allan Coe? The last verse goes something like this:
“Well I was drunk
The day my mom got out of prison
And I went to pick her up in the rain
But before I could get to the station in my pickup truck
She got runed over by a damned ol’ train”
The part about the 'dawg' dying made me think of that...Thought you might like it...
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Haha. That rules. But no, I haven't heard of it. I tend to stay away from anything country.
I forgot you was the one I showed A Little Piece of Heaven to. Had a complete mind-blank yesterday... Should add you to me friends list so I don't forget. You're too funny to lose track of.
*Just realised he entered the same story in this contest as he did in your last one* Better change the entry, give you something a bit different! Haha.
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Hey, I listen to country music (granted, very OLD country)!!! Lol. Gee thanx.
You're right about the emo, though. I have no idea why that "style", whatever you want to call it, is so popular.
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Hey, I've entered.(:
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I think I love you. I know I love your sarcastic take on emos and big words and life in general. I can't wait to enter. (:
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PS Also, love the quote from Tropic Thunder. Tom Cruise kicked ass in that movie! For once.
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I didn't even know it was Tom Cruise until the end of the movie...I kept thinking 'I know that voice' all throughout the movie...Man, that last dancing scene killed me. It's almost too funny...
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Me either. I was shocked when the credits rolled, and then I was sure some idiot had made a mistake. But I watched closely the next time and sure enough I recognized his slightly Owen-Wilson-like, platypus nose. (:
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I'm glad you made another one of these contests. I was going to enter your last one but I got lazy on the writing front... But now I have incentive! So I'll try to enter it ASAP.
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lol. thats so funny. Bella and Sparkles... lolz.
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I'm a little busy with college, but I am definately going to try to write a story for Jason Aldean's "Hicktown". What a great prompt! Thanks!
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yes emo dude's still wear underwear under there pants- now their part gangster with boxers hanging out. and I can't really blame them for wearing boxers those things are comfortable.
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ah i love the description for this contest lol.
"If I'm critical of your story and you take it personally, just remember: that's your problem. Not mine. Either deal with it, or shut the fuck up. I don't care how 'perfect' you thought your story was."
that's hilarious.
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