Pimp My Paragraph

All righty, this is my first attempt at a contest.

I hope someone enters, I whisper to myself.

Oops, that was out loud. My bad.

Ahem.

I'm going to throw out a handful of paragraphs that need some serious help to become truly fantastic writing. Pick the one you like best and pimp it out for me.

And by pimp it out, I mean, add as many details as you like, the most fascinating sentence structure, extra sentences galore, and random characters who weren't there before. Suck out its faulty DNA and inject it with superhero chromosomes! Turn it into a paragraph from the best story ever, one that makes readers reach for their monitors to turn the page and find out what comes next, only to jam their index fingers on the frames, and then curse your name that you didn't finish the story! Make us WANT MORE!

FIRST, THE RULES:

1. Please bother with correct punctuation, spelling, and grammar. You'll see why when you see the choices below.

2. Entries must be one paragraph long. Size of paragraph is up to you, but please don't be ridiculous and try to fit a 2000-word story into one paragraph.

3. No erotica, and please eliminate egregious swearing. Other than that, feel free to craft any genre you think you can wring from the paragraph of your choice.

4. No poetry.

5. No pre-writes, obviously.

6. There is no rule six.

7. In case you are so creative with the original paragraph that I can't tell which option you chose, please say in the author's notes which option you picked.

8. You may enter as many times as you like, but please pick a different paragraph for each entry.

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The Options:

1. And then tey wondered what, coudl be inside so, they walked close. Fearing what it could be, the handle was lowered by the intrepid leader. And then, they saw, it was enormous. What could it mean. one of them watned to bring help to bring the item back, but the leader said no. there was yellow light. And some red. They were so nervous, someone threw up. And then it happened.


2. She didnt know what to think. Did he love her, or did he hat her. Was there even a third option. Maybe. She didnt know. All she knew was, that she loved him. Or maybe she loved the other one. It was all so confusing and she hated the feeling, deep inside herself, where all her sadness laid, because she couldnt get rid of it. She really hoped he or the other one felt love for her heart and her mind not just her cute face. The one time she thought she was sure there was a box on her front step, she had opened it thinking it was from him or maybe the other one and it was just computer parts for her brother, how lame was that.


3. The detective ran down the alley, there was garbage and it smelled so bad he coughed. The villain looked back and met his eyes, and he laughed cruelly and took out his gun. He shot at him, and he had to leap out of the way of the bullet, he could almost see it, a bright arrow of doom. But he avoided it by jumping in the garbage. And then he got back up and they both ran some more, until there was nowhere else to run, because the way was blocked.


4. The crowd waited eagerly in the rain and stood in puddles not caring. Oh. My. God. Here it came, the bus, it was here! Angee nearly peed herself; it was REALLY THEM!!!! She unfolded her sign, made sure the creases hadn’t folded the stickers and held it over her head, really high, so they could see. She was pretty tall. She knew they’d see and she hoped they’d take the time to read her sign, she’d worked so hard on. Then they came off the bus, omg omg omg she was hyperventalating. And then the blond looked up while waving at all the crowd and saw her sign and his face changed.


5. The smell of blood was so thick here. His sensitive nose pulled him ahead through the dark woods. He smelled rock and water too. Minerally water. A very dark shadow hid under a rock and there was no way he couldn’t see it, his eyes saw so well, and the smell overpowered him from its cavelike opening, this had to be the place. Looking inside eagerly, a sound inside warned him that it wasn’t empty.


6. Where was I going? Where was I GOING? What a silly question was that. I was going to the bathroom. I opened the door to the handicapped stall and flushed the toilet, activating the portal to my world quickly before I was followed, and into the wrong gender bathroom at that, silly alien life forms. Couldn’t tey read the signage anyway? I stepped into the low pulsing window to pinkness that would carry me effortlessly through the ether to my own bathroom, after all isn’t that what you think of when you go there, with all that nasty pink soap powder in those dispensers? Well my portal is pink thanks I don’t know what color yours is.

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Good luck!