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THE CHRISTIAN VOCAB DICTIONARY
helping atheists and christians better communicate with one another.
*quotes indicate a term that you can simply substitute the definition with when arguing with a christian.
e.g. " I am a christian" becomes "I am a deluded person"
"Atheist" = Someone who believes in God, but pretends they don't because they like the idea of burning in hell for all eternity. Probably insane.
"A true christian would never kill in the name of jesus" = as long as I continue to live in a rich country, have ample food and do not fall under the sway of a radical leader I will not become violent
"Christian" = a deluded person / someone who is right, even when they are wrong
Christian scientific method = If the facts are not consistent with the bible, the facts are faulty, throw them out or convince yourself that they don't exist.
"Eden" = The only place on Earth where apple's are not good for you
"Evil" = Non-Christians
"Evolution" = The idea that a rock turned into animals and that monkeys gave birth to people.
Facts = see "Knowledge"
"Freedom of religion" = christian theocracy
"Free-will" = predestination
"God" = how I refer to the concept that represents my need to have a mommy and daddy to take care of me, even though I am now a grown adult
"God bless you" = go f**k yourself
"God exists outside of time" = I don't understand the basic definition of time
"God loves you" = go f**k yourself
God Said It, I Believe It, That Settles It. = Bumper sticker slogan indicating complete cessation of cognitive function. Translation: I believe God said it, that settles it.
"God spoke to me" = I had an auditory hallucination
"God works in mysterious ways" : I don't know the answer to that question and, frankly, I don't care to try because it will invalidate my precious beliefs
"Have a little faith" = stop thinking for a little while
Heaven = A paradise where you are joyful every day while others melt eternally in rivers of Hell's bubbling lava
"Hell" = it is the place, reserved for those who believe differently than I, where you melt forever in bubbling lava while those in Heaven (the most loving beings that exist) are having too much fun and feeling too good to care about your well being.
"Holiness is necessity of life. without it you are dead." = I am a complete ignoramus, please disregard everything I say, as it is completely idiotic.
"I" = The personal pronoun I use to refer to myself, also the word I use most often because I am obsessed with myself. The reason I adhere to a religion that holds that I am somehow special and will live forever.
"I am in bible college" = I am not currently attending an educational institution
"I am done talking to yall, nothing i can say will convince you, so I'll let yall get back to work on trying to tear down something much bigger than you." = Though I have only posted once, I am chosing to leave lest you make an intelligent counter-argument to my post, thus endangering my belief system. I would also like to state that, on the basis of no evidence whatsoever, my negative preconceptions about your non-beliefs have been confirmed.
"I don't believe we are just part of a chemical equation" = I am so incredibly arrogant that I refuse to accept the fact that I am a random result of nature and the evolutionary process. I think I'm special, so I must be!"
"I don't see your logic" = what you said does not conform to what I have been programmed to believe and therefore is illogical or invalid.
"I have proof" = I have found words in my bible that I can interpret in such a way as to conform to what I have said
"I have read Marshall's book" = I have read the first three lines of marshall's book
"I hold a masters in divinity from..." = I have my GED
"I prayed" = I spoke to myself
"Intelligent design" = creationism
"I refuse to believe..." = if it hurts my feelings it's not true
"I saw a miracle" = I had a visual hallucination or I attributed a coincidence to my deity
"It happened in China" = it never happened
"I think" = I feel
"I will pray for you" = I think I am better than you (this is can be implicit or explicit)
"Jesus" = Long-dead Middle Eastern hippy.
"Jesus died for you" = Can't you just believe in my fairy tale / imaginary friend?
"Just try to understand." = I know that you can't be convinced, so the only way to understand is if you're me, and you accept soething with no evidence or even a coherent argument to support it.
Knowledge = belief based on doctrine, dogma or an interpretation of an unverifiable subjective experience coloured by the same
"Masturbation" = a sin unless I think of jesus the whole time I am doing it.
"My research" = What my pastor / priest / preacher / dream / hallucination / bible teacher told me about the subject in question
"Open your mind" = believe unconditionally that whatever I say is true, and that everything else is false
"Out of context" = not used in a way that validates my delusion
Prayer = talking to oneself / a substitute for action
Righteous = permission to persecute
Satan = the supposed "enemy" of God, whom all atheists worship and sacrifice infants to.
Satan = how an omnipotent God who has complete control over everything can get himself some plausible deniability
"Science" = what my bible teacher / pastor / priest / dream / hallucination / personal feelings tell me is science
"Science doesn't know everything" : Science does not know everything unless I become ill or want to warm up my dinner or make dinner, or keep things cold or drive to work or travel or communicate over long distances or build a church or live comfortably in the way that I have become accustomed.
"Sin" = whatever tribesmen thousands of years ago thought was bad, unless civilization has since done away with it, in which case it was us who made the change because of jesus.
Slavery = Often misinterpretted as something bad, but actually means "love and hugs" in hebrew
Speaking in tongues = Babbling like an incoherent retard. Generally a pastor makes up definitions for the words afterwards.
"The bible" = a fairy tale book written several centuries ago
"The Holy Trinity" = an imaginary god and his multiple personalities / friends
Theology = long, drawn out arguements, designed to confuse people away from inconsistenceis in the Bible.
"Theory" = hypothesis , observations, conclusion
"This is the argument and it is a very good one. will you take it on? I will prove that Atheism is...." = I am about to start ranting and raving using non-sense then claim victory.
Truth = a thing or subject about which you are so passionate that any evidence to the contrary is not necessary.
"Why does everything have to make sense to you?" = as a last resort and because I can't think of even a twisted irrational reason for some premise for god(or what the bible says)....I make any appeal to logic and sanity seem like an unreasonable request.
"Worship the Lord" = Jump around like an idiot
"You must have faith" = You must do as I tell you
[[A note to the wise: Plz not im also making fun of atheists in this too. See "Evolution."]] -
Are you trying to start a SW war? There are a lot of people who won't find any of this funny.
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LMFAO!
Well...if they dont like it, they can shove it where the sun dont shine. Although, i'm willing to listen to someone make there point, and lose. XD
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athiest say christians cant pray in public schools cuz we are imposing our religion on everyone. them telling us not to pray is them imposing on us. Christians actualy believe in something, where all athiest believe is that they dont believe in anything
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"Christians actualy believe in something, where all athiest believe is that they dont believe in anything..." What's your point?
I would argue that athiest belive in a lot. Many athiests are well educated (not saying that those who have a religion aren't) and "belive" in what science and reason can teach them. Many athiest "belive" in phenomena such as the big bang and evolution. I don't really see what it is you are trying to say. -
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Gotta say- I agree with Jimmy on this one.
Just because athiests don't believe the same thing as Christians do doesn't mean they don't believe in anything.
I think anybody can have faith, whether it's in God or science or just goodness ... or hell, in badness. -
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I wouldn't say faith, but I think I know what you mean. Faith, to me, implies belief without question. I question all the time, that is why I have my own theories.
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I can see where the word faith brings an image of unquestioning belief ... but I sorta see faith as a sort of a test of your own thoughts and others' against what you feel. I don't think it's totally intellectual.
I don't really like the idea of total blind faith idea. I guess I don't understand how anyone could just agree with things simply because other people say them, or because you've been raised on it.
If you don't question things that are presented to you, see how they connect with your world view, your own heart, then I don't think you can grow in any way. -
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That is an interesting concept of faith, I think I like it. I try to moderate my heart when I make decisions, but I see what you mean.
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Jimmy's theory of the zombie apocalypse
I've read it.
It will change your life.
Questioning? Thats not good. Next thing you know you'll be getting ideas and trying to reason things out. Where will that get you?
Just poke your eyes out, grab onto the wool of the sheep in front of you and move it along.
Questions...we're going to have to look into that...
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Oh no looking! *shreds files* Oh no, my one existing copy of my theory of zombie apocalypse!
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Not all directed at Jimmy, but I'm too lazy to make more than one post :D
I have my religion listed as "Nunya" on a lot of sites that ask for it... as in 'nun ya business'.
If someone asks, then I reply with "I'm a Religious Holidays Catholic".
That being said, I believe in evolution. I know a lot of Christians that do. Not everyone is a stereotype that can be pushed into 'slot A' for the purposes of some discussion.
I have lots of friends that are not religious(athiest, agnostic, or even just non-Christian). I also know a lot of people that are religious. Heck, my older brother is a Baptist Pastor, and my daughter's god-mother is Muslim.
I don't feel the need to explain myself to anyone, nor does anyone have to explain themself to me....but... if someone wants to take a crack at me via my choices, then they best be ready to be landed on with three-inch heels and suffer my wrath.
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LOL. That's the way it should be!
I've always figured, as long as you're not hurting anyone or anything else, hey- believe what you want.
p.s. do yo ureally wear 3-inch heels? that would probably hurt.
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Usually, they're about 1 1/2 - 2 inches, but when I go out, they're 3 inch heels. I can't wear flats.
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Cool, jimmy is an intellectual
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yeah, pretty much
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ur point is?
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Oh I remember seeing this post in another offsite forum! Was that you there too?
I think this is some pretty good satire of extreme religiosity. (With sting, and not exactly fair, but that's what satire does!)
Was I the only one who laughed? (And no, I'm not a godless heathen, promise. )
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Oh no don't get me wrong, I did find it funny. I'm just surprised it hasn't come to war yet.
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I laughed REALLY hard. This is the funniest thing I've read in a REALLY long time. Fair? Not exactly. But funny, nonetheless...
-jj -
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Nice. I was worried when I heard the war drums.
Viva la satire! -
Then you haven't read the Adrian Mole series by Sue Townshend. This thread isn't funny at all; the original poster doesn't even know what Heaven is like, for he seems to be convinced it is some kind of paradise.
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But Faunus. The *point* of the thread (as far as I could tell) was that those above points *are* wrong. That was the humor.
(Or at least, that's how I felt when I read this.)
Here, take a cookie. -
*raises eyebrow* It seems to me that true Christians who genuinely love and are forever grateful to their God, WILL consider Heaven to be a paradise.
"Rejoice ye in that day, and leap for joy: for, behold, your reward [is] great in heaven: for in the like manner did their fathers unto the prophets." (Luke 6:23)
"Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto treasure hid in a field; the which when a man hath found, he hideth, and for joy thereof goeth and selleth all that he hath, and buyeth that field." (Matthew 13:44)
"And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away." (Revelation 21:4)
It sounds very much like a paradise to a true believer, in my opinion.
-jj
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ya know? there's more than just christians and atheists. why are we even doing this? come on people. what does it matter.
christian vs atheist? what's the point? i'm christian, but some of my best friends are atheist or wiccan. come on. we're all human. -
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Twas a joke thread dude. Nuff said.
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Thank you for posting this. Gah.
-jj -
Actually, you are very wrong about the "Heaven is a fun place to be" thing. Heaven is a place where you sing praises to the God who saved you and sacrificed his only begotten son so you could have eternal life. Unless you like worshipping someone who created you because he had a forgiving nature and made it impossible for you to commit suicide without chance of failure and even if you attain success, fear of going to Hell--unless you like doing that, Heaven is not a great place to be.
I am a Christian. I do not believe in going to Church or that one needs to pray, unless they feel they must. Answered prayers are not fun. I know I can be wrong sometimes. I respect Jews, Hindi, and Muslims, except radical Muslims who are trying to convert all of Europe to their religion and will stop at nothing to do so.
I can't think of a rational reason to believe in evolution. There is no evidence at all supporting that fact. At least not the "apes to humans" part.
I belive the things in the Bible actually happened: that Balaam's donkey talked, that Jonah was swallowed by a whale and the whale spit him up afterwards, that Samson lost his strengh after Delilah cut his hair, etc. Why do I believe this? Because if I didn't it would mean magic in this world is not poassible. I have to believe in magic or I can't be a Christian anymore. Catholics and some other Christian faiths teaches that these stories are just stories, that they never happened. Heck, Catholics don't even believe that the Adam-Eve story was real. Why? Because serpents cannot talk. But if that story never happened, and is just a story, then Christianity must be a sham religion. (My theology professor told the class that there was something that commenced original sin, but the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil and the serpent was just a tale told because people at the time when it was written would not understand the true story, or care for it, at any rate.) -
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I am gonna write this reply and pretend that I needed an intellectuals opinion and nod my head saying "Yes, go on." while crossing my legs...
It was a joke thread. Im an atheist. I couldn't care less in what you believe. Whatever, like magic couldn't exist without the bible. I never knew a donkey talking was magic. -
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Calling this a joke thread is a joke. You have explicitly stated your contempt for the Christian belief that they are superior to everyone else. You do not think it's a joke at all; you are very serious about that.
As for the donkey, have you ever heard a donkey speak in real life? Yes, there's "Bricklebrit" and Shrek's donkey, but other than them? No, you haven't. Thus, it is magic, just llike a burning bush that is not consumed by fire. -
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I have set my hand (wrist up) on fire and not gotten burned. Does that count?
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No. Needles don't hurt me, but I'm no magician.
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I can't follow your logic. You said:
"I belive the things in the Bible actually happened: that Balaam's donkey talked"
and yet said:
"serpents cannot talk"
and then:
"As for the donkey, have you ever heard a donkey speak in real life?...No, you haven't. Thus, it is magic."
I see contradictions in the above, or are you somehow being sarcastic?
Finally, magic is the work of the devil according to Christan doctrine. Miracles are not Magic, so why would you call it all magic? -
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You misread what I said. I said that I believe that the donkey talked, but Catholics do not, and likewise Catholics do not believe serpents have the ability to speak. So there is no contradiction there.
Also, you miss the point. Yes, to Christians magic is the work of the devil, but "magic" is the only word to describe a man being swallowed by a whale and emerging alive weeks later, or a man losing his strength from having his hair cut. You cannot call those "miracles."
Of course,, the serpent was the devil. It makes sense he could speak, but according to my Theology Professor, Catholics teach that that never happened. -
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So your one theology professor is the final say on the bible...wait, wasn't that the Pope?
So all those things you cited above (whale and strenght and donkey) are the work of the devil according to you? Interesting. -
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No, he is not. I was telling you what he said Catholics believe. I am not a Catholic, so I do not think the way they do.
I don't believeAnd ange magic is the work of the devil. The devil is an angel. Magic is the work on angels. Some of it comes from Satan, others from the Lord's angels, which means that magic is not necessarily bad. Oh, and "magic" is defined here as the supernatural. -
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I find it interesting how you seem to take the word of one person on something as varied and variable as religion and accept it as Final High Truth, yet in the conversations on this site, as well as offsite (taking into account the huge body of scientific and religious literature) insist on staying strong in your beliefs.
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Hah, you are missing the point. I don't believe anything that man said. In fact, he almost made me stop being a Christian.
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Yes, and constantly quoting him in an ambiguous manner was what made your position on what he said unclear. Reason for confusion.
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Please refer to the dicitonary and look up the word: Joke.
Then maybe you'll understand what it is, so please get it through your head that I am me and I am entitled to my own text and to my own opinion.
And as for the donkey once again. It's not magic. A donkey could talk for all we know, but chooses not to. Animals aren't as stupid as they come off to be.
Magic can come in any sape, size or form. Just coz the bible says a donkey talked, doesn't mean it did. It could have, but i highly doubt it.
~Take care XD
Im done with you now. NEXT PLEASE -
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You try to be facetious, but you don't even know some of the most basic Christian teachings (considering that you are an atheist, that makes perfect sense), and in order to ridicule something properly you have to know something about it.
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"Catholics and some other Christian faiths teaches that these stories are just stories, that they never happened. Heck, Catholics don't even believe that the Adam-Eve story was real. Why? Because serpents cannot talk."
Odd... I don't recall being taught that at Church, or catechism. Or teaching it to the kids when I taught catechism. -
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That's what my Theology professor taught us in a course called "Teachings of the Catholic Church." Somebody brought it up and wondered if the story of original sin were true, and my professor explicitly stated that in the Catholic belief it is just a metaphor for the true story of original sin, which no one knows. He also effectively said that some stories in the Bible are true and others aren't; it is up to the Church's discretion to figure out which are and which aren't. It actually started with him saying that the Creation story in Genesis 1 should not be read as history. God created man last in the first creation story, and He created man first in the second creation story.
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They're more like legends or myths... based on events, and changed through the years to reflect what someone eventually translated and had created into a book to suit his own views and versions on what happened.
No one is to say they never happened, but I highly doubt it happened word for word as it says in a written book based on passed down stories. Discussing some events or teaching with different languages can go a lot easier when broken down to easy to remember metaphors and other things that will be told over and over. Things get lost in the translation, and through the years.
A lot of historical facts are based on second or even two hundred placed knowledge and retelling of events. Certain 'truths' are changed, even in the past 50 years to adapt with the changing times and changing world. At one time, it was rock solid... word for word... it is as it shall be. Now days, it's up to the individual to get their own interpretation from what they read, and do with as they see fit. I can quote 1,001 things, but if I don't believe them, or put much thought into them, then it's just words on a screen... and that's not good for anyone.
Personally, I don't put a lot of stock in someone's version of what religion should be. I'm Catholic.... not ashamed to say it, and don't really care what others have to say about it. I make no apologies, nor expect none in return.
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Ahem:
The Catechism states that "the account of the fall in Genesis 3 uses figurative language, but affirms ... a deed that took place at the beginning of the history of man" resulting in "a deprivation of original holiness and justice ..." that makes each person "subject to ignorance, suffering, and the dominion of death: and inclined to sin ..." (Paragraphs 390, 392, and 405)
Thus, the Catechism does claim Adam and Eve never ate the apple from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil offered to Eve by a snake.
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"I can't think of a rational reason to believe in evolution. There is no evidence at all supporting that fact. At least not the "apes to humans" part."
I think you will find any lack of evidence is due to your own neglect. There are few subjects in science that has had more written about it. I would have thought DNA in and of itself was proof enough for evolution. There are case studies where evolutionary phenomena has been recorded. In the lab, fruit flies and viruses are commonly experimented on because their life cycles are so short and rapidly mutate from generation to generation.
I would say, there is no rational reason not to accept evolution. -
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If only I could remember how this goes...there's something about DNA that proves that it takes more FAITH to believe in evolution than to believe in an All-Mighty Creator. But I recall exactly what it was and you will think this post is bogus because it lacks the information needed to back it up...if I find it I'll return and edit, but the bottom line is that DNA is not at all proof enough of evolution.
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I dare say I've already heard it. The fact is mutations occur at conception and cell multiplication. Some of these mutations (very small proportion) are desirable, some are negligible (doing little good and little harm), the rest are not so good. Typically bad traits are removed, while desirable and not so bad ones persist.
I hadn't meant to offer you the evolution for dummies version, but that's what ended up coming out. It just seems so obvious to me. Should I point out that the human foetus has redundant gills during a period in its development? -
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You are still very, very far from proving evolution. Do you think a deity could not have set that in motion? How do I put this? God does not cause tornadoes or mutations or other things, but he instigated the powers of this world so that it could work on its own. In a way, I sound like a Deist. But the Deists don't have everything wrong. God made it possible for mutations to occur. He does not sit on his throne and say, "Oh, there's a boy named Redford (or his parents will name him such). Let's give him trinomy 21!" He put this world together, made all these similarities, and let it go from there.
What do gills have to with evolution? Humans were never fish. You've got nothing there. -
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"What do gills have to with evolution? Humans were never fish. You've got nothing there."
You show your lack of reading on the subject. Humans were never fish just as humans were never monkeys. In evolutionary theory (theory used in its correct scientific context) all living things on the planet are descended from a single ancestor. I don't know how old fish are, but if we aren't descended from something that could be classified as a fish than our evolutionary branch is obviously descended form something that had fish physical characteristics (gills in this case). It is like the case of saying humans are descended from monkeys, it just isn't true. Humans and the monkeys of today, are both descended from something that was neither monkey or human.
As for your first point, it sounds very much like you're saying that god designed the mechanics of evolution, I have no problem with such an idea. Whether there is or isn't a god makes no difference to me.
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there is another truth i've written it
We'll almost I'm still working on it.
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Azzy Bear
May 22 8:26 AM
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