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So, there's a thread about picking up girls...
And so I was just wondering how [girls] you approach guys?
Or [guys] how you'd like to be talked to/approached by a girl?
So yeah...just shy little me...wondering how the heck I'll ever talk to a hot guy. XD -
well im a dude so i should know...
any guy would love to approach a chick who is either smokin hot, drunk, easy, rich, or a combination of those. I hate when chicks dumb themselves down because for some reason they think guys find it attractive. The only reason a guy wouldnt care about her being stupid is either cuz hes desperate or he just wants to nail her. I like intelligent chicks. -
Ahaha....yeah, I'd never dumb myself down. That's just stupid. no guy is worth that. Especially 'cause a whole part of a good relationship is actual conversation..
But lmao. I don't think I'm about to get easy or drunk. XD
I can work on the money though. =D [just kidding] -
Since the forums are g-rated..... ummm... my way wouldn't work..
(but it involves complimenting his shoes)
So... um... usually, I don't approach a guy. I make him come to me.
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lol, i honestly have no idea what your talking about... something tells me i spend to much time on this forum. *sigh*
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Nice Shoes....Wanna... (I shant finish that line)
oh, and
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LMAO!
Haha..that is....if what you didn't finish is what I'm thinking...XD
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Haha..yeah...complimenting his shoes??? not g-rated?
Alrighty! XD
And I'd let them come to me..but they never do..they look...then stay put. lmao. -
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See... and I wonder why people don't react to their instincts or desires... bloody waste is what it is. People deny themselves all the time, because it's all about the first impression, if it's not perfect then the smile from her is not achieved.
(Please excuse this poor young man his rant) -
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Oh, not so...
if at first you don't succeed...try, try again.
I was in a night club one time and was turned down after asking a girl to dance. I returned a little while later and asked her why, well, because I'm a curious person. We talked for about an hour and she gave me her number. Why didn't she dance? Because she was waiting to catch some friends and didn't want to miss them.
First impressions, schmirst impressions. Keep pluggin'. An indomitable attitude is sexy in a man and women dig it. -
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Yeah, I've been there, but the mythical "number" never came up... call me paranoid, but I'm not a bad looking guy and yet every woman that I've tried to get to know runs from me as if I have "want to get married?" stamped on my forehead (it's not, by the way)... is it so wrong to enjoy some woman's company?
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I met some guy at camp... I think he creeped me into celibacy.
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A lot of guys have that affect on me.
-jj
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^^ Ahaha...niiice. xD
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I approach, and want to be approached by well-intending confidence and a smile...that's all.
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Just do it.
Guys are stupid and will wait until the cows come home OR do a lot of silly stuff that rarely results in reciprocal feminine eye-batting(eye-rolling, rather)to try and get girls' attentions.
Make it easy for them. I was always really blunt with people. If I liked someone, I'd tell them; not like slobbering all over them, but a simple "I really enjoy your company". Just do it. Speak. Men are idiots and if it were up to them the world would be an unpopulated ball of dust. I hate to admit this, but girls are a whole lot smarter than guys when in comes to human relations; it has been scientifically proven. You need to help a guy along by letting him know how you feel. Sure, there's a great deal of risk in that of rejection, but rejection is a good thing. It makes you stronger. Plus, you know right away if he is interested in you. If he doesn't return the compliment, gets fidgety and has someplace to be? Guess what? It's probably not gonna work out, and that's all right. There is somebody out there for everyone, you just gotta find 'em. Playing coy games is an ineffective way to rifle through the poor fits in search of a winner.
Just do it.
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hey, you know what, guys are always the ones who do the approaching and putting their necks on the line. It would be nice it chicks started to that for a change. Why does it always have to be the guy facing rejection?
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It doesn't always have to be.......
just depends on the guy and the girl I guess. Whichever has more confidence...y'know?
But then both sides are usually nervous. xD
Figure hopefully I can start being the one to make the first move though. yay.
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I believe, Scriptor, that men have been the gender that will open a door or pull out a chair for a woman. When a woman comes to a man and tries to pick him up... three things could (and usually do)happen
One: The guy thanks god and stumbles over every word out of his mouth.
Two: The guy is wary and wonders if the girl wants something else other than a good time with a guy
Or Three and this is reallly rare:
The guy is pleased and tries to flirt with her...
If anyone disagrees with me... please speak up.
DarkOne -
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i for one, object!
if a chick tried to pick me up i would deffinately thank God, but i deffinately wouldnt trip over myself. I may lack confidence when it comes to chicks, but i can act smooth around them and make them laugh... most the time, lol. -
fer sure...
dude...
any single red-blooded male approached by an attractive woman should yell a big-ass WOOT!(in the head, mind you) and then get down to business securing her heart.
Do you have any idea how many women lament the fact that men are so obtuse when it comes to reading their cues? Very, very many. If a woman talks to you, maintains eye-contact with you(you gotta give her "the look*") and continues to talk to you, she is interested. Not necessarily sexually right away, as most women are not raging strollops, but interested.
Option number one is only true if one lacks the confidence to pursue what he wants. In which case, flaccid self-image is the worst aphrodisiac. Some women think it's cute, but not many. Women want to be taken, not begged.
Option number two is way off base. Most guys want a good time right away with a girl, not the other way around. Most women prefer to get to know a guy. Being easy still isn't hip, even in this day and age.
Option three is closer to reality IF the guy is smart enough to see that the girl is interested.
I dunno, bro. Where do you get your information?
* gaze that looks through her eyes down to the tips of her toes and says "I would REALLY like to spend some time with you(but I'm only gonna say it with this look)" The look is key. You can't say that stuff or you scare her away. If she doesn't get all fidgety then you're not giving her "the look", your giving her "the friend look". You know, the friendly, big brother "I would never dream of hitting on you cuz I'm just too nice" look. -
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xD Option two is a bit...out there. But I actually do know quite a few girls who are...like that. It happens. xD
And *sighs* Being obtuse to signs just kind of sucks. lol. -
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Well, I've seen it happen...
With option two.. if the person is that paranoid... it happens often enough
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*looking sheepish*
My own self experience... and being passed over. An unlucky guy who thought that most women would pass him over for a big brother figure or "just a friend"... I've had so many of those... I don't have fingers to count anymore. -
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Ouch...
friend is a four-letter word in dating. "Friends" will almost never turn into "lovers". And it sounds like you've pigeon-holed yourself into the "friend" category. What you think is what you will get, almost always. Change your mindset and set out to woo a woman rather than to befriend her. Women are all too happy to collect doting suitors that they've no intention of following through with, it's great for their self-esteem. Don't fall into that trap.
You may play naive, but you know, don't you? The first time you look in a woman's eyes you can see how she sees you. Don't waste time on "friends" if you're looking for a lover. You gotta bag off on the friend thing and go looking to woo..
That's my two cents and I hope it wasn't too didactic, but I like to say exactly how I feel. I find that it avoids confusion.
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Aye, I agree with you on this, however, sometimes I can't help kicking myself (and I'm sure that most guys do this too with low self-esteem anyway) about everything that you did wrong.
That's the one thing that stops me from getting anywhere near to having the woman thinking that I'm interested in that way, so I try to make them laugh.
Plus, I have this problem that I flirt a heck of alot more than I should and then I get red with embarrassment... I don't know how to get myself under control so that I don't look like a beet red turnip...
These are my obstacles... any suggestions? -
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BELIEVE...
believe that your flirting is going to get you somewhere. It's that simple. See yourself succeeding and then do just that.
We radiate who we are; in our eyes, in our faces, in the tone of our voice and in the posture of our stance. When you believe, all of this will change to exude the image that will get you what you want. Belief is the most powerful tool you have and everything in life will either flow to a positive belief or away from a negative belief. Choose to believe that you are going to woo this woman and do just that.
My wife is a very lovely woman who had sworn never to marry. I had many obstacles to overcome. But that's how I saw it, that I would overcome, of course. And I did. Sometimes unwittingly, but the universe came to my aid, it couldn't withhold it, because I believed and proceeded as such.
Just believe, man, and then find every way you can to make it happen. Are you gonna bomb? Sure. But you only get stronger each time if you choose to learn from it. I have never been hesitant to make a fool of myself for love because so much is at stake. Love is everything in life and you should pull out the stops to get it.
Believe, and then go about making it happen. Like you said, you're not a bad-looking guy. It's the X factor called confidence and I've never understood the problem with it. I've had friends with so much more to offer ask me why I wasn't intimidated as they were, because I'm not Mr. Super-Duper, not a professional athlete or super buff or any of that. I just believed and then went about to accomplish that belief knowing full well I would succeed. Did I always? No. But so what? I did finally, and that's all that counts. -
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Belief is a gifted thing
I understand and that's something that I will strive for when trying to woo a woman. There are times where I wonder why some other guy gets the girl that I've been watching for the past hour across the room and well, the confidence is key and the belief...I have to agree and bow to your point of view.
I'm glad to know that you were able to overcome your obstacles that were placed before you. I wish you all the happiness with your wife and your future endeavours. Thanks for cheering up a self-deluded young man.
DarkOne -
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Hey, anytime man.
You've been very receptive and that's a great quality. Humility, I think it's called. Please know that I don't set myself up as an expert at all as I've had many foibles of my own. But I did eventually get it right and so out of love for my dating brothers I am happy to share a few pointers I've learned the hard way. I believe in passing it along as a brother needs all the help he can get in today's dating atmosphere. From what I observe, it's a lot more difficult now than it was when I was looking. Girls are pretty harsh nowadays. Thanks for being so receptive. I hope I didn't come off as platitudinous as I was only trying to be of assistance. Thanks for listening. It makes me feel all helpful and stuff.
special note: if you try all this and fall flat on your ass, it's not my fault.
p.s. if you're watching any woman for an hour, you're waiting too ffing long. When you see something you wan't, go after it. That's why the other guy got the girl...he went for it. -
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lmao
i saw that special not and i fell on my ass laughing and i had to tell you. *wipes tears of laughter from face* -
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You know...
litigation being what it is today, I have to cover my ass.
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For me its building up a conversation. I cant just ask a chick out, i just dont have the confidence, which you pointed out is do damn important. I find it easier just to talk and tilt the conversation towards relationships and the such... im bored and im surfing the forem...
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Now I'm confused by your last paragraph with the *... can you refine it more?
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Sure...
eyes are probably the most emotive tool at your disposal. Women dig subtlety, or the ability to say a lot without saying anything at all. Unspoken communication is big on a woman's list. You can say a great deal with your eyes, and most do without ever even knowing it.
What are you saying with your eyes? Exactly what you are thinking. If you're thinking, "damn, here comes another failed attempt resulting in another just friend", she's gonna see it. Women are incredibly intuitive and insightful and they read your eyes probably more than anything else. Everything that a person is can be seen in their eyes. You need to watch what you are saying. Then, make sure that you say what you want, rather than what you're afraid will not happen.
Does that make sense?
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Ok... that makes more sense. But one last question, how do you deal with being tongue tied?
Sometimes when I talk, I have what I want to say and when I talk, even with all of my confidence... it comes out and this is the best way to describe it... blurbed.
This happens even when I'm not talking to woo anyone, but normal conversation.. and then I have to repeat myself... makes me look a little like I have problems with my speech. -
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Lemme tell you...
I feel you, bro and I have suffered through the same afflictions before. I write so much better than I can speak. So I would write.
Some women love writing. It's intimate and is a solid piece of you that they can hold onto and know is real. It came from you. They can read it again and again and every time it's like you're there saying those words again that make them feel beautiful.
You're a writer, right? Use it. You can melt a woman's heart with the written word and she'll peruse it again and again to the point that when next you see her she'll be euphoric. And you did it, you made that feeling come alive in her. With good writing you can reach inside a woman's head and actually be there and that is quite a feat as women are generally very protective of their insides. Women want you in their head, more than anything they want to share and to feel understood. If you can figure them out and then write in a way that shows that, you will come out a winner. That is, if she's already attracted to you. Writing is powerful, but not magic, the audience first has to be receptive. If you gotta hard time with words, write.
Now, if you want to get better with words, the best way is to simply speak from the heart. Rehearsed crap is just that, rehearsed crap. Sincerity is powerful and when you speak from the heart you cannot help but be sincere. Wing it, man and just say what you feel. There'll be no smooth lines to remember or to get mixed up. Just get a grasp on how you feel and then express it. Also, don't become too preoccupied with your performance. Worry takes up mental space that you need to perform. Stay loose and just do it. Don't sweat it and just let 'er rip. Keep the attitude that it's a learning experience and you will get better. Every time you will get better. Practice, practice, practice. -
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You know, it's kinda funny, but here we are on the forum about approaching dudes and I'm getting dating advice for women... what a twist, huh?
Thanks for the advice and I will definitely take your words to heart, so to speak.
Sometimes all you have to do is have faith and belief, two things which have been absent in my short life. Maybe it's time for me to take that leap and see if I hit concrete or fly.
Thanks again.
DarkOne -
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Hey, you bet.
Taking the leap is what it's all about. And hitting the concrete is a good thing if you let it be. The pain will make you that much more motivated to succeed next time to avoid the agony of smackdown. Just keep on pluggin'. It's really not that bad and we get stronger by doing. Every time you'll get better. And even though it's tempting to lapse into depression, choose to believe every time that you're gonna nail it and eventually you will. You cannot be denied success when you are persistent in your belief. The universe has to give you what you want; it's the law and the universe has to obey it.
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what is "the look?"
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that's a misnomer...
It's not like "Blue Steel" or "Le Tigre" of Zoolander fame. "The look" isn't a generic text book cookie-cutter look that I can send you a picture of for to emulate and perfect through many mirror gazing sessions. No, the look is when you take your soul, in all of it's raw and unabashed desire and pour it out through your eyeballs. That's "the look", and everyone has to get their own. I can't show you my "the look" because only my wife gets to see that and it belongs to her. Plus, I doubt that it would work for you. You gotta get your own.
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lol, i knew the answer ever before i asked... plus ive talked to you enough on this forum for you to become some what predictable
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i knew that pshawww thing was coming... whats wrong with being predictable
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Ahahaa.............I'm actually kind of relieved that it seems like guys do most of the approaching....
[Hopefully all the guys I encounter can just grow some...well.........
confidence XD]
But I understand that they can be shy too. it's just....annoying both ways I guess? -
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Yeah, but the best way to break the ice is to talk to them about anything... something funny always works, or talking about something that happened in the room.
Heck, sometimes introducing yourself is all that's needed.
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Aha thanks!
And yeah...I figure I do just have to...go up to them xD......but it's the confidence department I'm lacking in. xD Though, hopefully I can work on that.
Thanks for the comment though.....
Next time some one comes along I might just go up to them.......
'Course, there's always 'accidental' collisions. [jk]
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lol, i lack confidence as well... i normally have to have somewhat of a suspicion that the chick likes me. sad i know.mnj
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Ah, you do know...
Confidence is what it's all about. See, you're asking this question and you knew the answer all along.
Find the things that make you feel good about yourself and develop and accentuate them in your life. There is nothing more appealing than a woman that radiates a strong sense of self-worth. Avoid anything that demeans you like kow-towing to what you think a man wants of you. It's sad and reflects poorly on one's character to try and chameleon to win another. Just be yourself, your best self, and run with it. Not everyone will like you, but at least you won't miss out on those who do while you're sitting on the bench feeling sorry for yourself.
You know, as I have aged I have come to know of ladies who had crushes on me as a kid and I totally missed it because I was so protective. You gotta put yourself out there, but still keep your self-respect.
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Speed dating! Bunch of people, bunch of tables, few minute time limit to chat with specific questions, and then eveyone moves to the next table.
Everyone has a number(no names mentioned), and those that you're interested in after that initial first meeting, gets noted. If they have your number noted, then a 'date' is set up in a neutral place if both agree. After that, you're on your own.
Since everyone is basically there for the same reason (to get a date), and everyone is more or less checked out to weed out the creeps, then it's not too bad. You can even bring a friend to go from table to table with you. There's a cover charge to participate, but that more or less covers the food provided and the closing down of the bar(or part of) for the evening for the speed dating to take place.
It's actually rather popular with people who don't have the time, or the want to go the regular route in looking for a date. -
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Kinda reminds me of that movie called "Hitch"... it made it seem out to be a bad thing... because of all men's faults and our stupid decisions as a gender (being A**holes and such)
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my-beautiful-rescue
Aug 15 8:21 PM
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