The Kingpin• Show stories

Nick is an international man of mystery. Women want him. Men want to BE him. You see, Nick is a renaissance man of sorts. One minute Nick could be elaborating on the population of elephant seals in North America and the next minute, he’s got you in the vulcan death grip just because you made a remark about the size of his pet koala bear’s nose. He loves singing all the time (but only in the shower… and only to Evanescence), plays guitar (he beat Pat Benatar’s “Hit Me With Your Best Shot” on medium in Guitar Hero with only one ear of his headphones working), and can whistle the entire Star Spangled Banner (but only in Spanish). Nick is also an avid conservationist. He firmly believes that there is a critical shortage of ‘Nick’ in the world and so he preserves himself as best as he can. Morning workouts? No sir-ee! Can’t risk hurting his WoW index finger and denying the online community of his merry presence. When Nick is not running around in tights (tight tights) trying to save the world (from large Italian-plumber eating piranha plants), he finds solace in two things: re-runs of “I Love Lucy” and youth group. As a Resurrection Youth Ministry member, Nick leads the Parish Community Relations Team and is also involved with special projects. His ability to communicate with others in a language other than Klingon and 15th century Nepalese is what sets him apart. Nick’s successes all stem from his personal belief that “if at first you don’t succeed, EPIC FAIL.” When Nick is alone at night and it’s the second Tuesday of the month which means his stuffed Pooh Bear is in the wash, he pulls out his tournament chess mat and challenges himself to a duel… in the dark… blindfolded… with his eyes closed. A gambit perhaps? Or Sicilian Defense? Bring it on.

If I offend you, its probably because I don't think you deserve a compliment. It's not that hard to understand.

Larry Poppins: King is the reincarnation of hitler
(he meant it in a good way)


ALSO: If I see one more profile with "My name is Sarah/I am but three..." on it, I am going to go on a lifelong mission to single-handedly abuse every three-year-old girl named Sarah that I can get my hands on. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that child abuse is wrong, it's hardly a revolutionary idea. You might as well put "don't kill your neighbor's dog and violate its corpse with a wine bottle" on your page. WE KNOW.
(shamelessly stolen from RuneMorose)

Month one

Mommy
I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

Mommy
today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

Mommy
my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

Mommy
I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just . . .

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

In Real Life…

No baby can think. None of this sappy crap actually happens. In real life, there are millions times millions of lives that don’t occur. You can’t be mad every single sperm and every single egg don’t become full-fledged beings. You can’t be mad at those that are raped, those in homes that will throw them out, those with medical conditions, or those that can’t afford yet another child. Stop trying to appeal to emotion and start trying to use logic. Guess what, condoms, oral sex, masturbation, abstaining from sex, miscarriages, they all create a situation where a theoretical baby isn’t born. Get. Over. It. There’s no point in complaining about what doesn’t happen. Hitler and Mozart both came from the small, adorable things we call babies. So don’t tell me I could be killing the person who cures cancer either. In the end it comes down to choice for the mother. No matter her age. If you're against abortion, you have to be against it from a philosophical/religious/moral/ethical view. And when you're coming from that vantage point, you can't make exceptions. It's wrong or its not. So tell me its wrong for those people I mentioned. Tell me.

check out my blog (only people that don't know me IRL, I'll know!)
www.pitofmalice.blogspot.com

Thinking: my anti-drug
Pain killers: my drug

I see what I did there!