SurfingfarmhandShow stories

Welcome to my page, Y'all are in farm country now, so you'll need these. *Throws you a pair of rubber overshoes* Just a couple rules, Don't drink anything brown or black thats in a coffee mug anywhere. It could be anything.*Spits* Pour your own from the pot. The cows will not let you pet them, so don't try. Shut all the gates you come through,Don't mess with the bull he can get mean. And Welcome to Lehman Farm.

Those are the farm rules we give all new guys. Only had to give it to one girl. She lasted about a week, I think i pushed her over the edge with this, This was the first and only conversation i had with her.

"Hi, welcome to the farm."

"I'm Up here."

"Of course you are..."

If you Hate Twilight with evey part of your body, then put this on your profile, and add your name to the list: Fuzzyheart, TheMorpher,Surfingfarmhand


Quotes by my freinds and I. (Lan Party only)

"SHEEP BUM RUSH!"

" I fucking know Chuck's attacking me, He's been attacking me for the past twenty minutes. Tell me something I don't know! Whats the capital of Botswaia Huh! TELL ME THAT SMARTASS!"

"You, Lady, Go get wood."

"Wow, Trebaduche much?"

Others.

"DUCK YOU FUCKHEAD!"

"FUCK!"

"Jesus Christ McGinnis, you drive like cops are chasing you. Wait, OH Shit!"


Listen up, this is philosofical.
Mud gripps,white tip, cigar stickin out of my face, earnhart racin' sticker on the window, banged up fender,four by four, straight pipe roar, primer and rust all over the door, scarred up knuckles, Mack belt buckle, white t-shirt, Ain't afraid to work got a what are you lookin' at asshole smirk!

Chorus: cold beer, hot wings, wranglers, skoal ring, get just what you see. gun rack, ballcap, don't take no crap, ain't a pretty boy toy I'll rock you steady, RUFF AND READY!

work boots, one blue suit, size to small don't wear it at all, unless somebody kicks gets hitched. thats a bitch it makes me itch.

Up with the sun, off on the run, makin' money money 'cause I wanna have fun,five o'clock whistle, off like a missle, got a hot date, girl named Kate, thinks I'm cool 'cause I shoot straght, ain't one thing about her face, she's long and tall and she goes great with

Chorus

Well you are who your are that's alright with me, but I am who I am that's all I can be!

Chorus

Ah, that's me and my buddies, we're all alike we say Hey watch this! that didn't turn out to good. Haha, Ya okay? What are you lookin' at? Yea, that's a real gun in that gun rack. No, I don't have a permit for it. You got a permit to ask stupid questions like that? You gonna get hurt boy!

Rough and Ready, Trace attkins. If you don't like that get out now, cause that's pretty much me too.

"You're In my Crosshairs, I must shoot you out of them." -That's the quote on my MLG Tag. Team SOURCE IMPACT IS GOING PRO!
Alright, all jokein' aside. I've got some rules that I follow.

1. You respect me, I respect you.
2. You respect my belefes, I respect yours. ( I hate it when people try and force stuff on me.)
3. Annoying the fuck out of me to join something will not make me get in, It'll only piss me off.

That's about it. Not much gets under my skin exept that. Have Fun!




"Alright I'll take the fucking pills, Then twenty years later my asshole will turn inside out and start fucking talkin' to me!"-Jarhead



"C'mon squishy face!"

"Don't ever call me a squishy face."

"Let's go squishy face!?!"

"MOTHERFUCKER!"

*Taclke* - Jarhead

"Thats right, you take what you know and multiply. Please don't use your dicks, their too small and I can't count that high, I don't want to hear four hundred thousand inches." - Staff Sargent in Jarhead

I'm alot like that, I can't count that high eather, If only the fuckers at school understood that.

I'll give you a cookie if you can figure out what that means. *Sniffs cookie* It's chocolate chiiiip?

Expect more randomness like that.


I'm fucked up, what more is their to say?

" The ones that run are VC! The Ones that don't run are well trained VC!"
Full Metal Jacket.
"How do you shoot women and children?"
"It's Easy, You just don't lead'em as much!*maniacle Laughter* Ain't war Hell?!"
Full Metal Jacket.

"Wait, where's Pooky?"
(Low flying jet zooms over Blade's head.)
"Never mind, I found him!"

"Run you old hare, If I had any sence I'd run too." Said by a Confederte soldier while waiting for the infamous Pickets Charge on the third day of the Battle of Gettysburg, after seeing a rabbit run scared from the massive Union artilley bombardment.

I'm an ameture civil war buff, My granddad and dad help their.

"Remember, when the pin is pulled, Mr.Grenade is not our friend." -Marine boot camp instruction.


Ok, Ok I'll get on with the description.
I'm a 5'10 guy with longish blonde hair, trying to survive high school and not kill myself doing stupid shit with my friends and other farmhands at work. I work on a farm and I will choke you if I hear you complain about the Price of milk going up,I work hard for that milk too. trust me, I know. My fave music? Country. if you want me to name favorites i can fill up this page, but I'll leave just a few.

"Boon Docks"By Little big town
"International harvester" Craig Morgan
"Free and Easy" Dierks Bently
"Redneck yacht club" Craig Morgan
"Bubba shot the Jukebox" Mark Chesnutt
"Cleaning this Gun" Rodney Atkins
Anything that Big and Rich sang.Like i said, thouse are only a small few of the whole thing. i have two MP3's filled with this stuff.

( P.S. my face pic is actually me with my skimboard)
Like my Bio sez, If I'm not here, I'm usually workin the farm, hunting,trapping, hangin' out with my buds,Or any combo of the four.


Oh, by the way, Their isn't one thing my granpa, my dad, or yours truly can't rifle,trap,arrow, or catch that my mom or granma can't put in the pot (Cook)

Also, you haven't lived untill you've tasted some of my mom's or granma's country cookin'

Ok enough about my family on to the stuff you want to read about.


Fav quotes from my charaters

"Jet Fuel is Flammable, Higly."
Nick, son of Pooky

" You can never trust a guy untill he's taken a bullet."
Josef, Ex-mafia boss

"Never start a fire with gasoline."
Pooky

"You know you're strong if you can set a car alarm off by bumping into it, or that means its diet time."
Blade

" Shoot first and don't ask questions."
Hunter

" You never want to have to ask the question " Are these armed?"
Julia

"Remeber, the trigger for the rockets are on the Left, fuel jetison is on the RIGHT!"
Nick

"Never assume that the girl you just slept with isn't the Boss's daughter"
Blade

"Never let your daughter near Bio-chemicly augmented mercinarys, EVER! JUST DON'T DO IT MAN!"
Commondore

" I remeber at basic training if you ever called your weapon a gun you had to walk around the base and to everyone you saw you had to hold up your weapon and say This is my rifle, then you had to grab your crotch and say this is my gun. then point at your rifle and say this one is for shootin' the other's for fun!"
Blade

"You do know what assuming dose don't you? It makes an ass out of you and me"
This one is from my shop teacher, Mr. Lockhart

" Cow + Boots times grab tail dosen't = fun"
Carter, me

" Cattle prod + friend's butt = Fun!!
Carter

"Is he in one piece?!?"
Blade

Learn Chinese! Quick! Easy!
(You must read these out loud)
Stupid Man Dum fuk
This is a tow away zone! naw par kin
Small horse Ti ne po in
Are you Harboring a fugitive? wo u hi ding
I just hit that coffee table I bagn mi fuk in ne

Sorry thats all i know Hope you like them

I keep my heart and soul in the Boon Docks.
Just plain fave qotes
"We Have nothing to fear but fear itself."
Frankin Delano Roseivelt

"After ten rounds of Jose Cuervo... I lost count and started countin' Again!"

"Ugg.. I can't belive i slept in a coffen"
"Well, you did more than just sleep in it."
McGee and Abby from NCIS
(Side note, BURT THE FARTING HIPPO IS AWSOME!)




My Own qotes

my unkle starts this one!
"I thought you didn't drink"
Me: "do now"

"Don't worry, it can't be that deep"

"FIRE!"

"I'm sure its harmless"

(My mom starts this one, it happend last week.)
"Carter, I have terrible news, your cousin Brooke miscarried."
(General celibrating on my part.)
"Hell yeah! Frank (my other cousin) owes me twenty bucks!
*Slap*
*Serious face* Yes I know I am a terrible person for profiting off my cousins sluttyness,But *Stiffles laugh* I still can't beleave I won! *Laughter and genreal hell rasing*

" Shit, this damn infeed roller is jammed tigheter than an Irishman in a Hong Kong whore"

"You'd had a gun that night you'd a shot some farmer's sweet old cow right between the tits."
Excriped from A Day No Pigs Would Die. By Robert Peck

"Goddamn It! Pass me another shell, I'll get that Motherfucker this time!"

I love coffee, If you ask me what my favorite frappachino flavor is, i will stare at you blankly!
I LOVE STRAIGHT BLACK COFFEE! I BREW IT MYSELF!
ATTENTION! ALL COMPLAINTS ABOUT MYSELF,MY WRITING OR MY ATTITUTE GO TO THE FOLLOWING!
http://humour.200ok.com.au/image_nicebigcup.html

  • Last seen 1 day ago. Member since October 21, 2007.
  • My mood is , and quote is "*Grips Duel TEC-9's* HIT THE FLOOR MOTHERFUCKERS! ".
  • I am a 16 year old guy from Pennsylvania (United States)
  • When I'm not writing, I'm Zeroing in on someone's forehead....You didn't hear that..
  • I have 109 comments, 2 contests, 46 stories, 6 journals

My Stories

1 - 4 of 46   Show all Search
  • Blade's got a new life ahead of him.
    2900 words, October 13
  • I steer down the dusty dirt lane to my ranch home. Cowboy, My Australian Cattle dog, pants in the seat of the pickup next to me. I bought this little farm with the money I had saved flippin’ burgers outside of campus. My lapt
    2700 words, 5 comments, September 13. In Love, Personal, Romance, Unedited
  • 100 words, 5 comments, August 12. In Humor, Other
  • Okay, I just got back from the farm so I'm typing this really fast before my mom drags me out of here and scrapes me down with steel wool to get the smell off. 1
    200 words, 2 comments, August 3

My journal entries

  • I fucking hate my dad right now. He (Not me) put a porn virus on this computer (I know because my friends and I put a ghost Proxy server on it, it lets everything thru but keeps an un erasible record of everything that goes out only the guy with the password has access to it whitch is me.) So rather than admit that h
    October 18, 100 words. Make first comment?
  • Alright, since i know the guys at scare tactics probably woun't come out here to get these guys, my friends and I are gonna do it. 1 So we just got a new member to the group, his name's scott. Nicest freshman you'll ever meet. But because he's a freshman we gotta fuck with him alittle bit. So here's how its gonn
    October 6, In Friends, Punked, Scary shit.  300 words. 1 comment, Add one?
  • Alright, Simple enough. I was at the beach (Myrtle Beach to be presise, Not in a hotel either. I was the one in the Camo surf shirt and trunks, incase you were there.) My friends and i were getting re-aqanted with an old friend who left last year. (His dad's in the army, Rangers, to be presise, HOOAH!) Anyway, that's

Guest Book

1 - 4 of 32   Show all
  • UhhLizzAhhBett on May 25
    Yay! Thanks for the request I think I added you...my computer is being a retard! Anyway, wazzup?
  • WindSongNauck : Nauck's review of on March 17
    Hello...

    I see you checked out my Obama stuff I am happy you liked it...do not like obama's plans for the country or want some one with real brain's about goverment an or news lesson to Rush Limbaugh he has a web home page if you can not get him on the radio..

    Have a great day

    God Country Family Common defense

    Semper fi
  • Amy Nothingness : MEOW! X3 on March 17
    Yoz WE HAVE TO TALK SOMETIME! I like you page AWESOME! check out my storys and page AND I WILL DO THE SAME...but not right now I HAVE HOMEOWRK LOL!! CACTH YOU LATERz!!
    -Alexis
  • MidnightMoonStar on February 27
    Carter what's up? long time no talk lol. Hope you're doing fine

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