Squirrel Empire• Show stories

Authority. What is that for me? Authority is a boundary, a place that I am not allowed to traverse, no matter how much I want to. Despite that, I cross that boundary every day. Rules don’t mean shit to me, and I view most of them as just placed there to inconvenience me, or to make my life more difficult.

I’ve always had a problem with authority, for as long as I can remember. I would listen, I would do as I was told, but I would never like it. I still do as I’m told, and I don’t usually get caught stepping out of bounds. It’s one of my quaint little tricks. So, I’m still considered a trustworthy person, simply because, I haven’t been caught yet.

What does this have to do with my poetry? Well, I started to write poetry because I felt trapped. I felt like there was no escape from the veritable hell that my life had become. It became an escape from the all-encompassing reality that had perpetuated a sorrow for myself. It isn’t the best way to live life; it leads to a lot of pain, both physical and mental.

I wasn’t always a cutter, and I haven’t cut for over six months. To me, that is a big accomplishment, due to the fact that every day, my life becomes harder, and I get the desire to slice myself open on more than one occasion… daily. Sometimes, inflicting physical pain was the only distraction from my mental pain. Writing opened that universe up for me, and added another distraction from my problems.

My life didn’t automatically become nothing but tulips and daisies just because I discovered writing. Life became harder, and sometimes the stress was too hard to take the edge off of everything just from writing. I very nearly attempted suicide on three separate occasions. Fortunately for me, there was always a distraction that kept me from going through with it. Lucky, because I know what it takes to make the human body cease to function, and I wouldn’t be here right now.

Love has always been a problem for me. Especially when I discovered it was possible to love more than one person at the same time, it only seemed to limit my options. Two girls occupy my heart right now, and neither of them holds precedence over the other, and only one of them knows of the extent of my feelings for her, unless I’m mistaken and the other just wont say anything on the subject.

I ramble a lot. I don’t know what to say to anybody at the moment, so I’ll just finish off by saying, thanks for reading this, now a song follows, and it’s sort of my theme song of the month, I guess. It keeps on changing. This is from Green Day’s first album 39 Smooth. Enjoy.

“Now you see me, now you don't
Don't ask me where I'm at
'Cause I'm a million miles away
Treated like a forbidden heel
Don't say my thoughts are not for real
Or you won't see me again

Am I here or am I there
Or am I playing on the stairs
Am I in my room with my toys
I am the disappearing boy

When I walk in crowded rooms
I feel as if it is my doom
I know that I don't belong
In that room I see her
I see her and she's with him
I turn around and then I'm gone

Don't call me up 'cause I'm not home
My whereabouts are now unknown
I vanished from all your joy
I'm the disappearing boy

I have my doubts
Of where I belong
It's something to think about

Don't call me up 'cause I'm not home
My whereabouts are now unknown
I vanished from all your joy
I'm the disappearing boy

So, I've started an AP family, and so far, here they are.
sigrun odinsdottir (sister)
Obsidian Nightmare(sister)