Mr. Mastadon Farm• Show stories

Oh shit, I spelled "mastodon" wrong, and I can't change it for two more weeks. Fuckmuffins. D:

Well...one of mai best frendz, Jeremy, put up some author info, and now I'm feeling peer-pressured into doing the same thing. SO HERE WE GO!

_My name is Freddie. It's not short for anything. I was named after Freddie Mercury; in fact, my middle name is Mercury. I am not joking.

_I speak halting French and extremely fluent English.

_I often think in Elizabethan English.

_My parents met on a balmy spring night on the Egyptian coast. Nine months and a hasty marriage later, I popped, squalling and screaming, out of my mother's bloody vagina.

_I love nerdy things, like LOTR, comic books and playing D&D with some friends in the States.

_Because chicks don't find such nerdy things attractive, I'm pretty damn gay.

_But I would shag a chick. I don't think of myself as bi, just..."open-minded". :3

_My, ehh, "alter ego" is a girl. Her name is Lonika, which was apparently what I would've been named if I was a girl.

_Like my friends Jeremy and Peter, I am a grammar Nazi, and a very sarcastic one at that.

_But I'm more forgiving than either Jeremy or Peter. Or both of them combined.

_I like playing Extreme Spoons with my boyfriend. It can get nasty. :3

_I drink sometimes, but I'm usually the designated driver.

_I look after my friends, in a sorta parental type of way.

_My birthday and my favorite holiday share the same date.

_I'm very apathetic.

_My favorite masochistic pleasure is getting tattooed.

_I have about 11 tattoos. No sleeves, though, I think they're gaudy.

_I don't like kids.

_I cross dress. A lot.

_I'm pretty quiet, but easy to get along with, as long as you possess some semblence of wit.

_I love my friends to death.

_I'm in a couple of bands, including Safety Town and Transvestite Corpses.

_I love quotes and obscure references.

_I'm a single child. I had a twin sister at one point, but we don't talk about that.

_Media is my life. Art, music, books, movies: I love it all.

_My hair is currently dyed my favorite color, dark blue.

_Photographs steal souls. You will never, ever, ever see a photo of me anywhere. I happen to like my soul, thanks.

_Fedoras rock; I have, like, 7.

_I love the taste of vinegar. I've downed entire bottles of mint sauce before, much to the dismay of my digestive system.

_Brian Viglione is totally hot. I wish he wasn't straight. D:

_I'm ridiculously tall and thin.

_I have body image issues as bad as any teenie. (Huzzah for low self-esteem! !)

_In my group of friends, I fufill the roll of disdainful cynic.