Who dost goeth there? 
A guest! Rarely dost the likes of thee be seen in these parts. Ah! But hast thou come in search of a story? Then thee surely hast cometh to the right place.
I am: Claret the Exceptionally Strange, Royal Jester Second Class to King James the Rubberhearted. A fool, an entertainer, a rogue, unwanted by society but forcibly accepted. A rich-man shoe-shiner and incurable rhymer.
I am not: A braggart, a spitter, a coldhearted liar... a murderous villain, a bigger-fish fryer.
I enjoy: A good laugh with my cohorts, a joke with a comrade, moste mysterious magicks with a painted, masked facade.
I despise: All things untruthful for dastardly reasons, many-faced men with emotions like seasons.
RANDOMNESS!
Love?
Don't Label Me!
█║▌│█│║▌║││█║▌│║▌║
I'm Not A Flipping Soup Can! (from Arya's page)
THINGS TO DO AT WALMART
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
"Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. X
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..."NO! NO! It's those voices again!
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"
Repost this if you laughed...
Can you raed tihs? Olny srmat poelpe can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. If you can raed tihs cpoy and ptsae tihs on yuor porilfe!
チェリー!
92% of the teen population would be dead by now if Abercrombie and Fitch said that it isn’t cool to breathe. Put this on your profile if you are one of the 8% who would be laughing their heads off.
92% of teens have moved onto rap or hip-hop. If your are part of the 8% that still listen to real music then put this on your page.
40% of teens are stuck on crappy contemporary fiction, 10% like some of the classics, and 49% scarcely read at all. Post this on your page if you are part of the 1% who still reads Victorian penny dreadfuls.
40% of all teens are good at math and proud of it. Post this on your profile if you are part of the 70% who are hopelessly confused.
XD
FYI: My "real" name on this site is Claret Farstrider, AKA Claire, just to clear up any confusion on the matter.
A guest! Rarely dost the likes of thee be seen in these parts. Ah! But hast thou come in search of a story? Then thee surely hast cometh to the right place.I am: Claret the Exceptionally Strange, Royal Jester Second Class to King James the Rubberhearted. A fool, an entertainer, a rogue, unwanted by society but forcibly accepted. A rich-man shoe-shiner and incurable rhymer.
I am not: A braggart, a spitter, a coldhearted liar... a murderous villain, a bigger-fish fryer.
I enjoy: A good laugh with my cohorts, a joke with a comrade, moste mysterious magicks with a painted, masked facade.
I despise: All things untruthful for dastardly reasons, many-faced men with emotions like seasons.
RANDOMNESS!
Love?
Don't Label Me!
█║▌│█│║▌║││█║▌│║▌║
I'm Not A Flipping Soup Can! (from Arya's page)
THINGS TO DO AT WALMART
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
"Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. X
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..."NO! NO! It's those voices again!
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"
Repost this if you laughed...
Can you raed tihs? Olny srmat poelpe can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. If you can raed tihs cpoy and ptsae tihs on yuor porilfe!
チェリー!
92% of the teen population would be dead by now if Abercrombie and Fitch said that it isn’t cool to breathe. Put this on your profile if you are one of the 8% who would be laughing their heads off.
92% of teens have moved onto rap or hip-hop. If your are part of the 8% that still listen to real music then put this on your page.
40% of teens are stuck on crappy contemporary fiction, 10% like some of the classics, and 49% scarcely read at all. Post this on your page if you are part of the 1% who still reads Victorian penny dreadfuls.
40% of all teens are good at math and proud of it. Post this on your profile if you are part of the 70% who are hopelessly confused.
XD
FYI: My "real" name on this site is Claret Farstrider, AKA Claire, just to clear up any confusion on the matter.
- Member since January 9, 2009.
- My mood is
, and quote is "*yawn*". - I am a girl (United States)
- When I'm not writing, I'm setting people on fire.
- Visit my homepage at Arrr, ye be lookin at it, ye scury dog. Arrr.
- Contact me on
- Email:
- I am in the groups All About Me, Blood Splattered Snow, Gir, Mythology Lovers Unite, Serious Teen Writers, Sweet Cravings, The Joker
- I have 365 comments, 8 contests, 2 poems, 23 stories
My Stories
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The smoke hung thick in the air like a disease, virtually invisible but totally impenetrable, impossible to evade. It clung to the clothing400 words, 3 comments, January 14. In Dark, Life, Postapocalypitic, Science fiction, Smog, Starting idea
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A pulse flows around me, a searing heat bleeding through the thin sheath of woven cloth. Despite the womb-like cave, I know I am not safe . At any moment, I could be jerked out of my restless dormancy to be dragged out int
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The sound of screaming, a high, keening vibration that rips into my eardrums and jars my body awake. Just as the wretched noise reaches a frequency that causes my body to double over in pain (because I don't want, I can't, no
My Poetry
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Theif of a summer's day,
Bandit of the light,
Guest Book
1 - 4 of 8
Show all
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Bleedingoak : RAWR on January 29ATTACK FROM YOUR BROTHER!
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the back row on January 28Just be reading your profile, I like you already.
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XxraZorxX on January 2You too. Thanks!!
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Stormy Ann : (quote) on September 14, 2009noli turbare circulos meos!
-Archimedes
