Jesus Lizard• Show stories

Hai, I'm Peter :]
Wow, I might as well write an about me(since it's 5:19AM and I have nothing better to do)

"The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout, 'SAVE US!' and I will look down and whisper, 'No.'" - Rorschach♥

-I am perhaps the biggest loser you will ever meet.
-There is nothing interesting about me.
-I am a failure in all senses of the word.
-My vocabulary is kind of small, savvy?
-I like a lot of different types of music. My Favorite genre of music is Industrial.
-I have a girl friend. Her name is Lacey Shoes; she's made of paper.
-I am TERRIFIED of flying insects. Don't ask me why; I'm not sure.
-I have a lot of respect for funny people.
-I'm not very attractive and aparently I make up for this with my personality(or so many people have told me...).
-I have a somewhat strange fascination with coats.
-Vests are perhaps the hottest item of clothing.
-I love cats, and I plan on getting one some day.
-I hate the sun and bright lights.
-I have Anemia, which means I don't have enough iron in my blood *cough*.
-I am between the ages of 16 and 18. If you can guess what it is...you have some knowledge of simple math.
-I tend to be a Grammar Nazi(HEIL PROPER ENGLISH) when it comes to stories.
-I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.
-If the internet provided food, I would never leave my room.
-I am a very twisted person. I enjoy gore and watching people squirm. I've always wondered what a person tastes like. I've also always wanted to dissect a dead person.
-I have tendencies to name inanimate objects.
-Tattoos are generally attractive unless you've got a tattoo of your fat mother on your stomach, that's not attractive.
-I'm sickeningly short. Around 5'4" and my hair is brown and down to my shoulders.
-I think I'm kind of gross.
-I think Freddie is hawt, so shhh.
-I lied, Freddie is fat.
-Don't tell Freddie I said that.
-I've wanted a mohawk since I was 11 years old.
-I HATE children, and if I ever have any I shall hang my head in shame on the day they are born.
-For the record, I hate: Twilight, Stephanie Meyer, Fall Out Boy, The Jonas Brothers, vampires, romance, Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana, cutters, whiners, Good Charlotte, Simple Plan, Decaydance(with the exception of Panic at the disco), gigantimus hair and 99% of Anime. So please, don't try to start a conversation about them, it will end badly for both of us.
-I am a terribly blunt person, and I greatly suffer from "word vomit."
-If you've read this far, you are truly dedicated.
-Either that, or you are a stalker.
-I don't like stalkers.
-If I could, I'd go to the library/book store every day.
-I want you all to read The Marabou Stork Nightmares by Irvine Welsh. That book has every offensive subject that you could possibly think of.
-I have a man crush on The Joker(too bad Heath Ledger is dead *cries forever*)
-I am extremely A.D.D. If we ever have a conversation the subject can change at least five times within half an hour.
-I spend around half of my life stumbling around half awake.
-My memory is horrid; so if I forget who you are...well... sorry?
-I'm lazy to the point where it almost hurts. However, it doesn't hurt at all. I seem to have lied yet again *swiper snap*.
-I can be a huge pessimist.
-I don't take pictures because I have better things to do with my life. For example, I could; sleep, read, write, sleep, eat, sleep, take a shower, sleep and/or play LOTR: the third age.
-I curse a lot.
-I am athiest(much to Jeremy's dismay) because I don't CARE what happens after death. I'll be too dead to worry about it anyways.
-If you haven't noticed by now, I talk too much when provoked to do so.

In advance, I'm sorry for:
-ruining your life.
-giving you a very rude grammar lesson (no matter how much you deserved it).
-offending you.
-scaring you.
-raping your daughter.
-lecturing you about Lord of the Rings.
-not realizing that you are probably 12 years old and probably not that great of a writer no matter what your profile says.
-being fat.
-kicking your dog.
-kicking my dog.
-telling you about how much I hate everything you love.
-eating french toast.
-cheating on my wife with your wife.
-doing the son of a bitch.
-throwing up on your cat.
-throwing up your cat on your carpet.
-tripping up the stairs.
-painting your house.
-crying at funerals.
-drinking coffee.
-not liking your house.
-arguing with you
-complaining
-making you vomit/think about vomiting
-twitching
-bombarding you with Legolas-isms
-spelling stuff wrong
-telling you about the dangers of STRANGERS

Thank you for your time :]!

LOTR CHALKBOARD(ftw)!

-I will not tease Legolas if his weave doesn't match his eyebrows.
-I will not put up flyers to announce the secret council.
-I will not tap my foot impatiently during Boromir's death scene.
-The Lay of Leithian isn't nearly as exciting as it sounds.
-Cross-species mating rituals are not a dinner time discussion.
-I will not place bets on how long it takes Boromir to succumb to the ring.
-It is not my job to pair off the fellowship.
-I will not tell the future king of Gondor he needs a bath.
-We will not talk to ourselves in front of hobbitses.
-It is no mine, it's a tomb.
-If and when I trip, I will not hold up my ring finger.
-I will not drop eaves.
-The Gap of Rohan is not a clothing store.
-I will not scream like a girl every time Gandalf dies.
-I will not refer to Elrond as Mitzi.
-I will not ask Legolas why his name is Legolas Greenleaf when Legolas means Greenleaf.
-I will stop begging Gandalf's hat to put me in Slytherin.
-Contrary to popular belief, Elrond does not talk about doom all the time. Sometimes he mentions the destruction of Middle Earth, too.
-A Palantir is not a really big marble, no matter how marble-y it looks
-I will not refer to Legolas as "Captain Obvious".
-I will stop trying to force Legolas to have a facial expression. It isn't going to happen.
-Saruman does not have a lightsaber.
-I will not refer to the Eye of Sauron as the Flaming Vagina of Doom.
-I will not tell Tom Bombadil that he sings like a cave troll.
-I will not expect Elrond to add "Mr. Anderson" or "DOOM!" to every sentence.
-Peter Jackson does not deserve a painful death just for making Gimli comic relief.
-There is no show callled "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy: Middle Earth Edition."
-I will not shout "Yeah, bitch!" at Boromir when Legolas reveals Strider's identity.
-It is not acceptable to kill Arwen for stealing Glorfindel's scene.
-Elrond does not know the doom song.
-"King of Eagles" does not translate into "Taxi Service of Middle-Earth."
-"Fool of a Took!" is not a slogan.
-Mount Doom is not an amusement park ride.
-I will not make rude comments about the hobbits being the perfect height.
-Elrond does not need to "lighten up."
-This is no mere rabble of mindless orcs.
-I will not provoke Shelob in hopes of becoming a famous super hero.
-I will not scream "Just snog already!!!" when two male characters are less than five inches apart from each other.
-Male and female elves look VERY different
- I will never apply for a job as a gatekeeper in Middle-Earth due to the occupational hazard of being beheaded or squashed by a Ring-wraith while on duty.
-Gandalf and Dumbledore are not related.
-I will not play the "evil Gimli chuckle" from the ROTK drinking game preview continuously; nor will I program my computer to use it as an error sound.
-I will not deride Tolkien fans who have not read the book.
-Ring wraiths are not demontors.
-The Elves did not say "Screw you guys, we're going home!" as they boarded the ship to Valinor.
-I will not point out that Grima is a Severus Snape wannabe.
-They are not "The Nazgul Who Say Ni!"
-I will not say "Look, Puppies!" when the wargs come running down the hill

"Do you wanna know why I use a knife? Guns are too quick. You can't savor all the...little..emotions. And..you see..in their last moments...people show you who they really are. So, in a way, I know your friends better than you ever did. Would you like to know which one of them were cowards?"- The Joker ♥

I can’t breathe and I don’t want to anymore
The Jesus lizard tried to love but its heart was made of lead
He could not move the way love does so he faked it all instead
The Jesus lizard wants to be the center of your ray of light
But any light he has yet to see, no light is in his sight