Given the oportunity I will mess with your mind 
 
 

 
 this is my current set up I have been playing for thirty years and know every drummer joke ever written see a few of them below
 
 

Q - Why did the drummer join the band?

A - He wanted to hang out with musicians.

 

Q - "Hey buddy, how late does the band play?"

A - "Oh, about a half a beat behind the drummer."

 

Q - Why is it good that drummers have a half-ounce more brains than horses?

A - So they don't disgrace themselves in parades.

 

Q -  How do you get 2 drummers to play in time?

A -  Shoot one.

 

Q -  What do drummers use for birth control?

A -  Their personalities

 

Q -  Why didn't the little drummer boy get into heaven?

A -  Because he woke the baby Jesus!

 

Q -  What do you call a drummer with half a brain?

A -  Gifted.

 

Q -  Why to bands need Roadies?

A -  To translate what the drummer says.

 

 Q -  What's the difference between a drum machine and a drummer?

A -  You only have to punch the information into the drum machine once!

 

Q -  How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A -  Just one, so long as a roadie gets the ladder, sets it up and puts the bulb in the socket for him.

 

Q -  What's the best way to confuse a drummer?

A -  Put a sheet of music in front of him.

 

Q -  What is the difference between a drummer and a vacuum cleaner?

A -  You have to plug one of them in before it sucks.

 

Q -  Why is a drum machine better than a drummer?

A -  Because it can keep a steady beat and won't sleep with your girlfriend.

 

Q -  How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A -  Five: one to screw in the light bulb and four to talk about how much better Neil Peart would have done it!

 

 Q -  Hey, did you hear about the drummer who finished high school?

A -  Me either.

 

Q - Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?

A -  So you don't have to retrain the drummers.

 

Q -  How is a drum solo like a sneeze?

A -  You can tell it's coming, but you can't do anything about it.

 

Q -  How can you tell when the stage riser is level?

A -  The drool comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.

 

Q -  What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?

A -  "Hey, guys - why don't we try one of my songs? ..."

 

Q -  What did the professional drummer say when he got to his job?

A -  "Would you like fries with that?"

 

Q -  What is the difference between and chiropodist and a drummer?

A -  A chiropodist bucks up your feet.

 

Q -  What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?

A -  Homeless.

 

Q -  How do you make a flautist into a drummer?

A -  You put another useless stick in his hand
 
 
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